jake and dinah's

The Manifold Wisdom of God

2011-05-22T10:30:00.001-07:00

Ephesians 3:10
"...so that through the church the manifold wisdom of God might now be made known to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly places."

It seems to me that just like there is a physical and a spiritual "church" - there is a physical and a spiritual "member" of that church. There are physical duties and blessings of the physical church, but once we step beyond the barrier of the physical, and explore the heavenly places of the cosmic church, I wonder if we understand our role there. I think looming large among these roles is to glorify God in His plan and its outworking. To be seen in all moments in a position of amazement, trust and wordless wonder at however God chooses to bring us all to that moment when every knee bows and every heart cries "glory" as His reign is revealed. To never loose sight of the fact that we were once dead men walking, but we have been saved to a life of forever living in the presence and acceptance of God. In reality, we live in shadows of this truth without really seeing this treasure for what it is. I know this is true for me because if I really lived in full awareness of my salvation - I would be so pre-occupied and satisfied with Kingdom work that I would not have time to focus on the pain in my hip....or my concern over the direction of our country.... or when I can get out kayaking..... or.......or...or...

If I live to make known the manifold wisdom of God to those in heavenly places - "they" - the rulers and authorities there - must see what I'm doing. "They" have seen and understood those good endeavors that have, by their intervention, become polluted with greed and pride. The rulers of the air enjoy greater and greater success as more people are deceived into following lesser gods. Their work at unravelling the "church" and her "members" has proven so effective that is seems their attack was planned before the church was even built. Their intel is reliable and timely.
So what does it mean to demonstrate the manifold wisdom of God to this realm?
Do they see what I'm thinking? Do they see the doubt that pervades my season in this wilderness? Do they see behind the things I do outwardly because I don't trust inwardly?
When Jesus called the pharisees "white washed tombs" He was being critical of their impeccable adherence to the Law without any inward devotion to Its truth. God is glorified when the world, here and in the heavenly places, sees a believer obey. But I think the heart of this message is that God is also glorified when, in the silent moments of un-observed devotion, our hearts bend to honor God with the moment in whatever way is ours to give. Be it stepping out in faith when our flesh screams NO, or silently stepping up to the plate in prayer for a brother in need when the world would rather criticize, or maybe even trusting through a seemingly fruitless season of circling the mountain - - Bottom line - I must live as one who believes the promises of God are truth. Doubt must be drowned out by scripture of His faithfulness. Fear must be shouted down by scriptures proclaiming His protective love for me. And in moments like these, when I think I've circled the same mountain so many times that surely the Lord has given up on my usefulness in the Kingdom, I will wait in eager expectation - because in His perfect time - the way in is found. But only as I seek.

The Grace of Dissatisfaction

2011-05-01T06:11:00.001-07:00

Words of a friend brought crystal clarity to a mountain I've been circling for a long time now. Those blogged words brought me back to my own blog, revealing just how distracted I've been from the path to joy, circling instead on the path of fun, healthy, happy pursuits. Nothing wrong with that- - unless you've basked in deeper pleasures and acquired a taste for joy. The past few years have brought many changes. I am a grandmother of five. I've started working out and now boast biceps that are nearly bigger than another anatomical feature in roughly the same vertical plane. Jake and I climbed a mountain in upstate New York- (large for Michigan standards, a joke for any one else's), developed a love of sea kayaking and the camaraderie that grows from exposure to conditions that require you, at times to actually rescue one another - We've started a neighborhood association that is a wonderful, community building pursuit in our declining Detroit suburb that has caused us, and many others, to see our property values drop to a third of what we paid for our homes. I've been elected Precinct Delegate - which brought me close enough to politics to hate it. Jake and I both remain gainfully employed in an area and a time that is challenging for many others. And last October we bought a television set, complete with cable - after not having a television signal in our home for the past 12 years. We quickly became addicted to NCIS. I am happy.

I lack joy.

I rarely engage the Word of God like I did before. God's Words were oxygen to my soul and food for my spirit - and created a strength that enabled me to traverse valleys the lowest I'd ever walked - fully aware of God's presence and provision - with joy. But the beauty of God's grace is that He has not allowed my distracted state of living to fill the void only He can satisfy. He beckons still - He has not abandoned me. Dissatisfaction in the midst of every reason to be fulfilled can only be described in two ways: depression, or a growing awareness that the path has veered off-course. God, being the ultimate joy, the highest pursuit, the ultimate satisfaction - will not allow that place in our souls to be satisfied by a counterfeit. He loves us too much. He demands greater commitment. The world will gladly accept a fake, but Kingdom transactions deal only in honesty.

The road back to joy begins today. Certainly not the first time I've declared this over the past few years. But this time it comes with a commitment with friends that will share the journey, the fellowship and time in the Word together - and provide much-needed accountability. Hopefully I'll blog the Spirit's workings as the springs of living water flow freely again.

Provisions

2009-03-24T10:49:00.000-07:00

Not much time for blogging these days. Enough time to boast in the Lord's provisions, however. This morning I arrived at Karmanos Cancer Institute for my breast biopsy, following a series of mammograms and ultrasounds that apparently had some ominous findings. They proceeded to do another ultrasound then were to mark the areas for biopsy and whatever... we never got that far. The ultrasound revealed the findings, but they were now normal (for a coffee-holic such as myself). So a little more hunting, the radiologist came in and hunted, and determined whatever they were to biopsy was no longer scary looking, so I could get the heck outta there, which I did. So I drove home, having taken a holiday day, giddy with having a freebie day to do with as I wished. A few chores into the day I decided to head out to pick up birdseed. I no sooner closed the door behind me and realized the house keys were on the other side of it, having been disconnected from my key ring for valet parking... So I headed out for birdseed and called our friend Donna, who has a key to our house... who was available to meet me for lunch and hand off the key... I just seemed that everywhere I turned God's provision was there to bless me. We step out of bed and never know where the day will take us.

mistaken identity

2008-09-15T14:30:00.000-07:00

I thought this day would bring great grief. Last night, partially sleepless, was spent up staring, imagining, attempting to project how I'd feel once it was finally gone. I was actually afraid to see the moment come, not really knowing how I'd respond. The thought occurred to me that I've spent the past 10 years gnawing my entrapped psyche free from the jaws of this hard task-master - this un-approving god. Trapped somehow, in my belief that the part of me most valuable, was defined by this god. I've spent over 30 years of my life struggling at this altar - struggling to be someone I wasn't. I've offered tears, sweat, hours, years - - life - -years of life - - at the altar of this god. And now it is gone. My dining room is now occupied by a dining table - instead of being dominated by a grand piano. I am no longer a musician. I no longer need to try to be a pianist. I no longer need to continually feel that I am only half as good as I should be. And the waves of grief are not over the loss of music in my life - they are over the loss of life as the cost of music - - the loss of life at the altar of pride which demanded I perfect the turn of a phrase - to agonize over nuances so subtle, most ears would not even notice. Wise ears would not even care. I exchanged much life for that brief moment of sound, which once created, immediately faded away into oblivion, leaving little but exhaustion behind.

But instead of grief, I think I feel relief. This fight has taken many years to end.

road to grace

2008-09-04T20:32:00.000-07:00

The Lord has been really focused on a theme in my growth - at least that's what I HOPE is the explanation. The theme, I believe, has been and continues to be grace. The current means of teaching me about grace is through the emphasis of my being inconvenienced, expensed, delayed, overworked, and forced to put up with seemingly endless variations on a theme of stupidity in traffic (obviously, I am referring to others' stupidity....) etc., ad nauseum. It has seemed like one thing after another, people do the darndest things, you know.... And the more judgmental and critical and downright incensed I get, the more of it I encounter. And in more aggravating variations, situations. Then I get so focused in my mind about how inconsiderate and rude people can be that I begin to see all expressions of this as directed toward me. That was the trigger this morning that brought me back to my senses. The morning commute, my husband bracing himself against my agressive relationship with the accelerator... the diatribe that spews from my mouth when I had to floor it to get out of the way of a person who was about to smash into my rear quarter panel to squeeze into the closing lane beside us. Oh yea, and in my narcissistic state, feeling I was the recipient of all hostility, I initially interpreted the honking horn behind me as the lane crasher telling me to get out of his way, instead of the guy behind me who was about to loose his front quarter panel.... anyway, suffice it to say after the exhaust fumes cleared I sensed the Lord's nudge. "So... You think you're never the jerk, huh? Never make an honest mistake? Never have a lapse of concentration and need someone to give you a break??" And if I was still deceiving myself, I sensed further "How unfair or unjust was it that the Lord should lay down His life for you - for all the times you ARE a jerk?" He who knew no sin, becoming sin for me, not only forgiving my sin, but laying down his life for my self-centered, self-glorifying, prideful selfish self. He did this by choice. And I can't respond with grace when people drive like they're texting seven people at once, when they, for whatever reason seem oblivious to the fact that we are in rather tight community and need to show consideration to one another. When I was lost and living for myself, the Lord showed me extravagent grace by not holding my rude inconsideration against me. He took it upon Himself instead, then paid the price for my sins against Him. He didn't make me suffer the full consequences of my sin. This, however, is not in any way to be interpreted as condoning texting while driving.... :)

It is by this grace and loving forgiveness, that He brought me to cross, where by more of His grace I claimed Him as king. As I grow in understanding and appreciation of this amazing gift, I grow in my desire to live for Him, and die to self for Him. In my own strength this is all a nice fantasy. But in His strength, I have a chance to become Christ-like in my frustrations, in my road-rage-triggered moments. In His strength I have the opportunity to be an agent of His grace, bringing His love and hope into this realm that can seem so overgrown with hatred.

stargazing

2008-07-20T21:30:00.000-07:00

I've been so busy trying to survive the days... weeks... that blogging has been the furthest thing from my mind. Until this morning in church, when the sermon so loudly echoed a conversation Jake and I shared a short time earlier... over coffee... in bed. Life seems really hard these days. Having more medical issues looming, for both of us, and the stress getting time off work (despite very gracious employers - it's our work ethic that causes us the stress), the stress of potential complications - (been there... done that...), fatigue, depression, - the list can go on, but you get the picture, life is feeling hard. Balancing the "negative" we can't help but notice that somehow we've managed to get through the days, navigate the trials, the Lord has shown us favor (Jake and I both received promotions in our jobs in the same week), and that even though it almost always feels as if the bottom is just about to drop out, it hasn't. And I no longer add to the end of that statement "...yet". God's faithfulness builds an expectation of His continued faithfulness.

I am finally fighting my way out of a season of extreme dryness in my quiet time... and a discerning reader will suspect in that a LACK of quiet time... But somehow I feel the Lord has ordained this. I've gained a new perspective. I've watched the Lord, through this season, peel away yet another layer of the legalism I brought with me to salvation - the layer that believed that if people really wanted to spend time with the Lord, they could. If they really wanted to spend time in the Word, they would. If they wanted to call themselves Christian, then they really should. I'm not trying to say that there is no truth in this, - but I'm saying I now understand the difficult place of the young mom chasing toddlers, the single mom balancing work, parenting and school, and those of us working long hours and struggling. Yet at the same time, the Lord is drawing me... with a question. For years I had the luxury of basking for hours daily in the Word - time was cheap. For the past 6 months the Lord has been asking me what He's worth to me now - - now that it is hard - now that it is costly - now that it is sacrificial to seek Him. It is no longer easy, but He is ever so much more precious to me. I've had experiences of His grace that just aren't there when life is less of a struggle. I've literally been carried by Him through a day's work when pain from various "attempts at athleticism" have nearly crippled me. When the night's sleep was lost (due to living in close proximity to people who need a lot less sleep than me) and fatigue was heavy, the Lord lifted me up. All during the time when I wasn't meeting my "quota" of intercessory prayer time, or study of the Word... imagine that. I don't deny the sin of prayerlessness, but I stand on the promise of forgiveness, which causes my heart to swell with praises of my Saviour. I am being kept by grace. Not because I'm doing all the right things, but because of God's mercy, which has embraced the humanity with which He created me, and created a way for me to remain steadfast - even when my mind is wavering and my heart is weary. Hallelujah!

new normal

2008-04-27T22:00:00.000-07:00

I have been wondering when life would return to "normal". I've finally abandoned that pursuit, and am learning instead, to settle for our "new" normal. Given the huge life-changes we've been through in the last several months, I believe it was naive of me to expect anything to feel the same again. But as God guides us on our journey, surrender to His will has never left Jake or I feeling we were in the wrong place or that we'd arrived at the wrong time... nor have we looked at where He placed us and didn't like it. We love our new normal. Jake's job is going great - he continues to love it. He returned to his desk one month to the day from the date of his bypass surgery. My new job started on his 3rd post op day. At the time I wondered about the timing and what God was up to. Since then He's demonstrated, as always, that His timing is perfect, even when it feels very awkward to us. Had I postponed my start date, there would have been some very difficult days ahead for me, when my supervisor was unexpectedly unavailable for three weeks - but as it turned out, I was sufficiently oriented and "in the groove" to work solo by then. And I love my job as well. My saying is "it is the perfect job for me"- for as long as the Lord keeps me there. But it isn't easy. Exhaustion has become my constant companion. Not sure how or what to do about this. But I'm very tired, and on weekends, I am exhausted from trying to get all the week's work done. And so it goes. That is why I've been so quiet lately - too tired to think, much less, blog. But I blog today in an attempt to reclaim more of my life. But it is now way past my bedtime (4:30 comes quickly) and I'll start doing face-plants in my keyboard if I don't relocate soon. TTFN

group effort

2008-03-01T11:20:00.000-08:00

Jake had his bypass - which was supposed to be a quad, but downgraded to a triple when they were unable to harvest vein of the proper diameter for the last - and supposedly unessential - coronary artery being bypassed. His heart showed immediate improvement from the increased blood supply as it was "re-connected" before they closed up his chest. He was taken off the vent around 10:00 PM, providing me the visual I needed to attempt sleeping through the night. You just can't rest when the image playing on your closed eyelids is of your beloved bucking and gagging on tubes that are keeping him alive wishing he were dead. But at every juncture through this journey, the Lord has provided. The Lord's provisions started long before we knew the journey had begun.
Much of this has been shared in previous blogs, through the sale of Smooth Change, our experiences in Oregon, the decision to take our home off the market and set the taproot in Michigan, the Lord's provision of our employment - just in time, as usual. At the close of 2007 we toasted less to the incoming new year than to the end of the last one. I don't think we were ever more relieved to see the end of a year, thinking that it brought the end of the challenges.... yet I recall one day in Sunday school, we were discussing what the Lord has been doing in our lives, and I said that I believed 2007 was a trial preparing us for something that lie ahead.
This morning Jake said something like: last year was marked by uncertainty. This year we are traveling into the unknown. At least to us.
But the unknown is not without a trail guide. The Lord had been preparing us for this ordeal for a long time now - I see that so clearly when I look back over 2007. The Lord recently brought us to a church and made it clear that this was the place He would set our root. We have been embraced by this body and upheld by prayer warriors from the very beginning of this thing. We have been recipients of the Love of Christ being poured out in many and varied ways - spiritual and practical - by people putting themselves out to help meet our needs. It has been the most amazing thing I've witnessed.

It started the day of surgery. I really believed I needed to be alone to hold it all together, and the several people who offered to come and sit with me were refused. My daughter wanted badly to come and be with me but I would not let her. I knew Jack, a pastor friend from a previous church was planning to come pray with us pre-operatively, and a dear friend, Barb, from the same church was coming to have coffee with me - for about 15 minutes, or so I thought. That was all I wanted, because I wanted to focus on being in the Word and allow the Lord to see me through the day. But the Lord had a different way of seeing me through the day. The Lord prompted a friend from a previous church - Ron - to come and see if I needed company. And soon after my sister, Trudy, showed up. Without my knowledge, Barb had made arrangements to camp out with me as well. I had three lovely people who carried me through the day, eased the burden, and showered Jake and the surgical team with prayer through the day. I had no idea how desperately I needed them. What a blessing.
My new job started 2 days after Jake's surgery. We got a very nice snowstorm that day, with several inches of snow accumulation. I love snow, but it made my commute home from work exceed an hour and a half, and then it took me over 40 minutes to reach the hospital to visit Jake. I arrived home well after 10:00, with plenty to do before I could go to sleep (and wake up by 4:30 to get to work on time) to find someone had shoveled my snow. I wept with joy. May the Hands of Christ be blessed!!
My sister Trudy arranged her work hours to allow her to watch over Jake during daytime visiting hours. There were many issues with his care that required some "supervision". She was very faithful to be his advocate when I could not. The peace that provided was enormous. I don't know how I could have focused on my job without her looking out for Jake.
Things got more challenging after Jake was discharged from the hosptial. Steeve, another friend provided early morning supervision for Jake's shower / dressing routine - something that made Jake very weak and faint early in his recovery. Knowing someone was here who could help if needed was enormous. The amazing people of Covenant Community Church provided visits, prayers, encouragement, cards, meals, calls, notes, reading material, offers for more help, and even participated in a scheduled web of drop-in visits that provided the safety and support Jake needed to be home alone all day once he was released from the hosptial.

The Body of Christ at large - from Seattle Washington to Texas, from Alberta and Ontario to Nettie West Virginia as well as many MI churches provided prayer support that I credit with Jake's result and recovery. In the midst of tremendous pain and fear, perhaps the darkest leg of our earth-bound sojourn to date, the Body of Christ provided love, comfort, practical help, and the most amazing prayer shield I've known. Times the darkness would begin closing in, fear would begin to take hold, a shield would go up and the Lord's promise would prevail. This is truly amazing stuff. I could actually feel the prayers push away the enemy's work, the enemy's threat - physical and spiritual. When I'd begin to loose faith, the reminder would come to my spirit that we are being prayed for by godly people. God is in control, not man. God is the Great Physician, not these apathetic people. The victory is the Lord's. If you knew the stuff Jake went through, and the complications he suffered, you, too, would be amazed that he was cleared to return to work on Monday. Yes he cannot drive yet... but the Lord happened to provide us each jobs downtown so I can drive him. True, his stamina may not permit a full day's work and I cannot be available to drive him home early... but the Lord provided Jake a job in a place where his boss has promised they will get him home when his workday exceeds his energy level. So the myriad of other details that could cause anxiety at this point have faded into the wonderful promises of a faithful God, who has proven time and time again, that He is bigger than the trial - even the big ones, He is better than our most careful plans, and He is more loving than we could ever deserve. I look at what I've been called upon to do and know that not one iota of this thing is me - it is the Lord, His strength, His direction, guidance and provision. Blessed be His name!

Lord willing

2008-02-01T23:00:00.000-08:00

Those words have acquired much greater meaning to Jake and I. We have been seeing the Hand of God in amazing ways in our lives, awesome developments, unexplainable provisions.... God has a way of preparing you for Big Blows by revealing Big Blessings.... I'll start with the blessings: You know I've been in a season of searching. Rites of passage... The Lord led us to sell our company, and part of that struggle was the emotional part of letting go and having to live empty-handed for an unknown duration. I had no idea what I was going to do - and the time spent rehabbing my hands - time that felt horribly idle - was very effective at eroding what little self confidence I may have had at the time. God dropped a fantastic job in Jake's lap that he has remained absolutely thrilled with. Thrilled for Jake, it was hard to admit the emptiness of my days, the purposelessness, aimlessness - but God has placed me in this place, just as He placed Jake in his dream-job. So often I found myself feeling Dorothy's lament as she looked into the wizard's box from which the Lion received his courage and the Tin Man his heart, just knowing there was nothing in his box for her. I began to wonder what my future would / could hold.

Anyway, fast forward through what I'll blog about some other time, this past Tuesday I accepted MY dream job - I think a better fit could not have been created by man. I am totally excited to start and jump in with both feet. I really think I'm going to love it there. I start Monday- this is really a Big Blessing!

Now for the Big Blow:

We learned yesterday, after a cardiac catheterization that Jake needs bypass surgery. Monday. 2-3 vessels are severely blocked and could not be treated with a stent. Just the cardiac cath seemed far out enough for my healthy, active, fit, (tall, handsome, wonderful, never smoked, healthy eater...) husband... We were holding it together really well until today we were asked to go for some additional testing, and were given a tour of part of the area we'll be in for Jake's surgery - and the intensity really started getting to me. I thought I was going to wig out - but I was able to pull it back together after venting a bit... But for tonight, I'm on empty. It's been a very draining few days trying to get stuff done... details, preparation, all the stuff that I won't be able to cope with between Jake's situation and my new job... so I'm weary. I just wanted to share what has rocked our worlds - good and bad - because I'm not sure how bloggy I'll be through this ordeal. I changed my start date for work to Wednesday. Should be one heck of a week. But this is my Mantra: The Lord provided the blessings, the trials, and along with it promises to provide the grace, the energy, the clarity and focus that we will require to get through them. The Lord gives, the Lord takes away. Blessed be His precious and beautiful name.

much afraid

2008-01-20T00:52:00.000-08:00

Lake Strelna in the summer nights of Alaska, photo taken around midnight.

Poor little Much Afraid seems to constantly fall short of her abilites, hopes and dreams because she is held back by fear. She allows people to force her into situations she detests because she is afraid to say NO, and would never dream of asserting NO as the final answer. She is afraid of what they'll do, believing somehow their opinion of her will wield some type of power over her life. So her life follows this miserable course of failure, disappointment and humiliation. Then she comes into the service of the Chief Shepherd, who demonstrates His love, who promises her a new life, He promises to take her to the high places - both here on earth, and in eternity - forever. He claims her as His own, promises if she only trust Him, He will protect her. But when it comes down the the wire and she is confronted with her terror - she caves. Predictably. In fact, as you read of her, it seems this is the only truly predictable aspect of her character. She caves when confronted with her terror. But as I contemplated this, I grew more and more uncomfortable with the knowledge that this to some degree, describes a lot - maybe most of us?? It strikes a few familiar chords in my life to be sure. So while I explore this phenomenon, I will hide behind Much Afraid, fearing of course, that somehow full disclosure of my own fearfulness might be harmful... you might think things about me that will be somehow diminish who I am... somehow have an effect on me...

But I'll take the risk, because I know I'm not the only one. I am in good company with those who know they are loved by the Chief Shepherd (Jesus Christ, of course), know they are secure in His hand, and yet suffer through days when they wonder where the feeling of victory is. It feels at times that there is an element or two of the promise missing. We wonder why it still feels like we are not sure we'll have the right response when confronted with today's challenge. We wonder in those quiet and honest places, why we really don't feel any stronger than we did before we were indwelt by the Holy Spirit.

As I took this before the Lord, one of the first clues He gave me involved our pre-occupation with feelings. First of all, our feelings are carnal, of the flesh, fickle, untrustworthy and above all - NOT REGENERATE! Our new identity in Christ is factually true, but that does not mean our feelings will get on-board with the new reality. Feelings are great - in their proper place, and the Lord can even use them to direct us to introspection when we come under the discomfort of spiritual conviction. But, they are not trustworthy enough to guide our decisions or chart our course. Think back over your life - how many times have your feelings been wrong?

I should probably make a distinction between feelings and "leadings" or spiritual discernment. When discernment is immature (as mine still is) it can be confused with feelings (been there, bought the T-shirt). But then after the Lord begins to grow it and provides confirmation (showing you that the thing you discerned was actually accurate) you look back and notice there was a slight difference between the way it "felt" compared to emotional feelings. So, I'm not putting discernment in the "feeling" category here, at least after the Lord has refined it.

The problem with feelings, I think, is that many of us are in a type of bondage to them. Somehow we've grown up with the belief that if it doesn't feel good, it can't be good. We wait for our feelings to get on board with something before we believe it. If I dont' feel strong, I can't possibly be strong. If I don't feel indwelt by the Holy Spirit, this whole salvation thing must not have worked for me. If I don't feel like I have wisdom, the Lord must not have heard my prayer for wisdom - despite His very clear promise that if we ask for it, He will grant it. It seems to me that the soulish realm of feelings is well established in enemy territory, and he is well versed at how to wield his influence there.

I guess in addition to Hinds' Feet, my own quest for wisdom for some situations has led me to this place as well. After praying for wisdom, for months, I didn't feel like I had any more wisdom than when I started seeking. I took this to the Lord, asking, so.... what about this prayer for wisdom? I don't feel like You've given me the wisdom You promised - I still feel as lost about this situation as before. Then the Lord began revealing situations He'd placed me in, in which wisdom was needed - He brought to my rememberance those conversations in which all I had to do was open my mouth and godly wisdom seemed to fall out. I slowly dawned (I can be dense...) that the wisdom is not for me, my comfort, or my "feeling" bucket. When He requires it of me, I can rest assured that I prayed for it, He will grant it. As long as I'm walking in the spirit. But like manna, I don't get a stockpile that I can sit back and admire and gloat - "ahhh, look at all the wisdom I've accumulated!"

I should think this holds true for much of the spiritual life. It is a walk of faith. Once we stockpile the provisions - whether they be wisdom, strength, faith or whatever, we are at greater risk of falling victim to self-reliance. And I should think self-reliance is the greater evil to be feared here.

So perhaps these words of the apostle Paul can encourage us; "I know a man in Christ who foureen years ago was caught up to the third heaven...into paradise... and he heard things that cannot to told, which man may not utter. On behalf of this man I will boast, but on my own behalf I will not boast, except of my weaknesses...So to keep me from being too elated by the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from being too elated. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

fair play

2008-01-04T18:20:00.000-08:00

This was just too cute to not share, the squirrel feeder is now being dined upon by a White-Breasted Nuthatch! I wonder if I'm allowing my furry and feathered friends to hi-jack my blog as well as eat me out of house and home....

Hinds' Feet

2008-01-03T12:42:00.000-08:00

Yea, so I'm busted. Big Deal.

A squirrel's gotta eat, ya know.

Well, I'd be more inclinced to agree, if I didn't feed them walnuts, almonds, pecans AND squirrel food... My furry friends know me all too well. I actually coaxed this guy out of my bird feeder with more walnuts. A friend from church introduced me to birding, and although I've always loved wildlife and nature, I feel as if I am seeing things for the first time. And having a blast. I'm trying to save the suet for the woodpeckers and nuthatches that have been gracing it. But as I observe wildlife, I am beginning to learn that I cannot micromanage their table manners. So, I sit back and watch my best attempts at wildlife engineering get gobbled up by Starlings. Such is life, no?

So, what's this got to do with Hinds' Feet? Absolutely nothing. That post is still brewing. Tomorrow I start a study of Hannah Hurnard's book "Hinds' Feet on High Places", and I am really looking forward to it. So far, however, I'm disappointed at how I relate to Much Afraid, as she adds up her deficiencies such that they nearly distract her from the Lord's strength, which is made perfect in our weakness. How beautiful it is to relinquish our notion of what we should be or even what we used to be and finally allow God to be fashion us into who He created us to be. How life-giving it is to realize that our imperfections, and our disabilities are no hindrance at all to the Lord. They are merely the proving ground for His glory.

If... we are willing to release the way we wish things were, and accept the way they are. For His glory, allowing His plan to prevail. The areas of my life that disappoint me, through seeking the Lord, can become the areas He brings victory through. As I trust Him to lead me, and bring what's best for me out of the experiences of life and surrender. So the squirrels eat the woodpecker food and the Starlings eat everything else... what's it to me? (So there is a tie in after all...) :)

year end

2007-12-27T14:27:00.000-08:00

Chickadee in Kensington Metro Park.

I'm getting an early start on closing 2007, this time closing more than a year - but a chapter in my life as well. This season of crunching numbers and balancing accounts is almost a rite of passage. Passage from being employed, along with Jake, by a company of our own creation. Passage from being an employer, and the myriad related experiences, some good, some miserable. Passage from being my "own boss", which , translates into "everyone's my boss" as those of you who've been there can attest. But every passage "from" is also a passage "to" -even when still lacking knowledge of our destination. I've been giving some thought to the "to" of this passage, and the possibilities concealed in the promise of that tiny word. I am looking forward to the Lord's next assignment for my life. My prayer for 2008 is to live a life in which Christ has supremacy in everything (Col 1: 18). Funny thing is, I had thought I WAS doing that. But the beauty of growing nearer to the Lord is the whole Romans 7 thing: the closer I get, the more sinful I become... because I'm calling more things sin in my life...things that I previously accepted. But, what exactly is "supremacy"? ... Defined it would come across something like: The quality or condition of being the highest in authority, or rank, the highest in degree. But I sense the Lord beckoning me beyond words. If Christ TRULY has supremacy over everything in my life... yikes... my life should look quite a bit different. I used to think it would look like I have it all together... calm confidence in what I'm doing, and why - making progress in a clear direction, the day's agenda iron clad in my trusty planner, I know where I'm going and what I have to do, no more floundering with direction, purpose, seeming lack of accomplishment... But that place is not where the Lord has placed me at this moment in life. That place would be of my own creation - putting myself back in control to create comfort... security. Christ has no supremacy in that place... He barely gets an honorable mention. Allowing Christ's supremacy to be real in my life means I rejoice here. Right now. Not because of where I am or who I am, but because He IS. Regardless of the passage "to" that I'd like, as opposed to the one I may get. Allowing Christ's supremacy to have its proper influence over my life means I finally DO spend myself in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed in ADDITION to meditating on it. If the supremacy of Christ waves like a banner over my life, Jesus' words- - "A new command I give you: Love one another. ... By this all men will know that you are my disciples,..." - - will bear fruit that even my family can see and enjoy - - regardless of whether I'm on a good rant OR unusually pleased with humanity at the moment. So much could be transformed by such an allegiance. It seems to me that this is the key that will unlock the mysteries of loving as God would have us love, delighting in our weakness, insults, hardships, persecutions difficulties, or proclaiming with Paul: "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." The temporal benefit is that regardless of what actually happens, "joy" will be my daily dwelling place, instead of a yearly wish. "Rejoice" will become the state of my heart, instead of just a word on Christmas greetings. The eternal benefit will be enjoyed as we bask in the glory of God, being rewarded for our participation in its luster during our earthly sojourn.

a lot like Christmas

2007-12-21T18:15:00.000-08:00

Atrium of the Compuware building in Downtown Detroit, (the heart of a very encouraging rebirth!).

I'm not a big fan of Christmas - and tend to struggle with involving myself in the whole commercial event it has become, instead seeking ways to infuse the "holiday" with meaning. Meditating on the incarnation has been a wonderfully meaningful thing, but I was still left with what to do about Christmas the "holiday". It came to me this morning in prayer. God is an on-time God... Just in time this time. The idea that the Lord gave was for us to give Grace Centers of Hope a donation on behalf of all the adults in my family. I called this morning, made the donation, and found myself putting ornaments on my nearly-naked Charlie Brown Christmas tree. I didn't even mind that as I did, nearly all the needles fell off. As I began dinner I found myself wandering among our CD collection for The Messiah - now it's Christmas. God became flesh and dwelt among us... and He gave us hope. He eased the burdens of the heavily laden. That is the Heart of God. So this Christmas instead of adding to the clutter of people's lives, the clutter will be spent to ease the burden of folks who don't have any clutter to worry about. I will be praying that my family is open to a suggestion that this replace all gift-exchanges among adults next year. I think that would make for the merriest Christmas ever! Merry Christmas!

gutters and pedestals

2007-11-28T20:32:00.000-08:00

My grandson Andrew - - whatta cutie, eh?

I had the opportunity to share my testimony with the elder board / deacons and whoever else comprised the seemingly large gathering of people at my church, as part of the process of petitioning for membership. I love reflecting on and sharing my testimony, each time my gratitude deepens for a different aspect of the Lord's work in my life. As I prepared my thoughts, as is typical when I'm writing about the Lord, the words just flowed from my fingers. I was slightly surprised to see the aspect this preparation included.

When I first got saved, I was one of those people who believed God got off pretty easy with me. You know - - I wasn't in the gutter with addictions and "visible" problems... I actually felt the Lord didn't have much work to do at all to get me "cleaned up and ready for service." That is the blindness of pride. The ignorance of conceit. But I was a baby Christian, and didn't have a clue yet as to how this whole thing works.... As I've gotten to know the Lord and His heart - He has shown me, in doses I could handle, just how filthy and ugly my pride was to Him. As I prepared my testimony this time, I realized how pathetic pride is as well. I reflect back on all those gracious sisters and brothers, who held back reproof from this baby Christian, and instead bathed me in encouragement. God did not cross my path with those sisters in the Lord who seem to have created and appointed themselves to the Office of Official Rebuker. Yet I don't kid myself for a minute by thinking they "didn't notice".

I think of David, when the Lord confronted him for sinning by numbering the troops, and He wanted nothing to do with the Lord using human intervention for his judgement- He preferred the very Hand of God to dole out the punishment he had to endure. Likewise, the Lord didn't use people to correct me, instead He taught me through the Word and His Holy Spirit, and His very hand doling out judgement / consequence. He pitied my condition, and showed compassion to me. The Lord knew what would work better for this babe; I could no sooner receive reproof at that point than I could climb Mt. Everest. Granted being able to receive reproof is critical and important, and the way to wisdom - it just requires a little maturity under your belt to get there.

I believe the arthritis and my recent hand surgery was consequence of my pride - my pride made an idol of music, and literally put me in bondage to perfecting the turn of a phrase..., to the exclusion of many other things that were probably more important in my life. Phantom of the Opera is such a great depiction of this bondage... this slavery... that period of life that wasn't life at all. Part of how the Lord enabled me to see my bondage and my pride was through some very devestating losses. But tearing down idols is not a gentle process - and He began the demolition long before I got saved - the path He used to draw me to Himself was paved with the wreckage of my breaking. And as I look back at some experiences, which at the time were rather traumatic, I see the Hand of God and I overflow with gratitude, thanskgiving, relief. He used the broken fragments of my life to weave together my lifeline. What a wonderful introduction to Romans 8:28. Mercy 101. Grace for Dummies. But once you've been through the breaking of pride (not to imply He's done with me, nor that I've arrived...) you begin to wonder about that gutter. How different would the experience have been of the Lord's hand being used to lift me up, instead of to knock me down. Hmmm, another thought -- I bet the Lord sees the gutter as a very sacred place. Whatever brings us to the end of self is beautiful in God's eyes, and makes us more beautiful in His eyes as well.

rich in Him

2007-11-16T09:00:00.000-08:00

I am not a believer in the prosperity teachings. I do, however, believe that God guides us by consequence and circumstance. When trials seem to stack up in life, I like to seek the Lord for any areas in which I might be out of alignment with His will, any areas of sin I have yet to recognize. Life has been like that... and I've been seeking.

Two weeks ago, I came under conviction regarding money we received for the sale of our company. This money had not yet come out of the corporate account, my thinking was to keep it intact until we know how much of it even ends up being ours. Our plan was to tithe on the money when it technically became ours. The wind-down phase of running a company has held some surprises so far, and I didn't figure we were out of the woods yet. It seemed prudent to keep the sum intact to cover the taxes that would be due from that sum, as well as the final bills from the CPA etc.etc.etc. At one point, my rough estimates seemed as though there would actually be very little remaining after everyone had gotten their piece.

Yet, I desired to be in the Lord's will - we are very aware that He is leading us by the hand through a mine field, and to follow His leading when the circumstances are loud, requires a connection that is not hindered by sin. As I considered the check in my spirit, the realization dawned that if I'm considering "technicalities" - once the sale of the company was closed, the money was "technically" ours - no longer the company's. On further reflection, I realized what we were actually doing was holding back from God until we knew our needs were met, then we'd tithe on what remained. That is not the spirit of tithing. Tithing, as I understand it, is to joyfully trust God to cover my need, as I eagerly offer Him what is acutally His, of what He has given me. Knowing the character of God enables me to trust Him and His purposes for my life. If financial hardship is how I will bring Him the greatest glory, I trust Him for that. If financial blessing is how I bring Him the greatest glory, I trust Him to lead me on that path as well. Either way, I trust Him enough to give Him back His portion before I know if "my" portion will be "enough" to cover my responsibilities... because I know He will provide for what He wants me to do.

So, we tithed on the money from the sale of the company at the beginning of this month. Since then I've been in a whirlwind. Jake and I were prepared for 4 months of job hunting. November began our 4th month. November's anticipated expenses wound up being nearly double what we'd budgeted, because of various unexpected "situations" (aka tests). Since tithing:

unexpected income came in

a credit with a company covered one of the bills that unexpectedly increased this month's expenses

an insurance company decided to pay a claim they initially said was not their responsiblity, decreasing another unexpected expense
an offer was made by a Christian sister (who had no idea any of this was going on) to pay for an expense we were covering for someone else in need

the Lord provided a stragegy to eliminate a significant portion (most...) of this unexpected expense from an upcoming transaction

cost saving alternatives were discovered for two significant ongoing expenses

Jake accepted a job offer yesterday, has orientation today, starts Monday

I just needed to celebrate God's faithfulness by sharing this with you. I have been sharing this journey - not really knowing the destination, trusting that God would bring from it something to strengthen us, encourage us, reveal Himself to us. I am encouraged by these events. And while the journey continues, I sense God's hand very clearly in this story. I am enjoying the nearness of God as He navigates us through the minefield. When times are easy, it seems He can lead from a greater distance - but when the path is treacherous, being led by the hand is necessary. You can't hold His hand from too far away... I am made rich by His nearness.

To God be the glory!

heavenly wisdom

2007-11-13T06:00:00.000-08:00

Crater Lake, Oregon

"Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom." James 3:13

Works were God's first revelation of Himself to humanity. Before Adam was molded from the clay of the earth, God created the clay, the earth, the universe and beyond what we have yet to discover. Into this perfect ecosystem, sustained by the will of God, humanity was born. I am one who is continually awestruck by the perfection of nature. When I vacation, I crave the works God -mountains, forests- and my souvenirs tend to be rocks. I am fascinated by the symbiotic
relationships strengthening what on its own, may not survive. Form follows function, function points to purpose, purpose supports an other's need. There are spiritual lessons in tree bark for heaven's sake - God's works are completely fascinating, logical, and utterly perfect. His works reveal His heart, His pure wisdom.

As Christ-followers, our assurance comes from the fruit of our faith - our works. It is through our works that others see Christ. But only our pure works, those done in the humility that comes from wisdom. This heavenly wisdom is described in James 3:17 as: pure, peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Ouch. I am not sure I can point to much work I've accomplished yet birthed from that wisdom. Other's have argued this, but they've not seen the tainted motives of my heart - perhaps a desire to win someones approval, a desire to feel significant... the list is entirely too discouraging to continue. But the list of my tainted motives is not the point - the very fact that I am grieved by the list is fruit... indeed the pure fruit that reveals wisdom from heaven. Part of God's perfect creation is a system that is entirely dependent upon its Savior. The fact that am learning how to rely on my Lord is pleasing to God. The fact that in my own strength I fail - is the way He set the whole thing up. I cannot be pleasing to God in my own strength, or while working my own agenda.

But - - the desire to go beyond working in one's own strength lies in what is to be gained by such pursuit. Onlookers are to be moved to give glory to God for the works they see us perform - as the works of Jesus testified to the authenticity of His ministry. As God's works point to His heart, our works should reflect the heart of God when motivated by heavenly wisdom. Pure...peace-loving....considerate....submissive....full of mercy and good fruit..... impartial... sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness (Jas 3:18). A harvest of righteousness will shine like a beacon to help the lost find their way to the only source of peace under the sun... the Son.

faith must be tested

2007-11-08T11:54:00.000-08:00

Alaska, south of Anchorage, near the Kenai Penninsula

Somehow those words create a sense of uneasiness when the season is free and easy. During those seasons, testing is something I infrequently pray for -- aside from those times of intense desire to go deeper with the Lord - after He has cleverly drawn back, in order to lure me closer. In those moments of excruciating need for more of Him, I'll pray the "do what ever it takes" prayer, then hang on tight. But when everything seems to be going just fine, the testing of my faith is something I'd rather do without. However, today I read in an Expository Commentary on John "faith must be tested" - and I nearly jumped for joy. The words provided a ton of consolation to my spirit. After a while in the storm, I start to wonder if God is up to something else - I've searched my heart for any unconfessed sin... done everything I know to do in that area. Our employment situation has caused me to wonder if we could be reaping a harvest from bad seed sown in our business - but my most honest scrutiny consistently proves our business ethics above suspicion or reproach. We've wondered if we heard God wrong about selling the company - putting ourselves out of work in a terrible economy with record unemployment rates.... But after praying, fasting, seeking and awaiting confirmation - if God let us take a wrong turn, I don't know enough about God to get out of bed in the morning. The God I know doesn't try to conceal His will from those who are earnestly seeking it and Him. So we believe that God did indeed lead us to this place. We believe we walked here in obedience. We just expected different scenery when we arrived.... So this morning, when I read the words "faith must be tested" my spirit shouted YES! This is a test... this is only a test... if it were a real emergency I would have been instructed which radio station to tune to for further instructions! YESSS!

no time to loose faith

2007-11-02T18:02:00.000-07:00

Lovely Lake Strelna in the Alaskan wilderness.

James 1:2-8

I heard something on the radio this morning that caused my husband and I to nearly gasp in agreement. This local preacher said it something like this: there are two types of storms in your life - those that change your direction and those that refine. Jake and I have been on a stormy faith-walk for about 4 months now - and this path has uprooted nearly everything we had for stability. At this point there are two areas that I celebrate stability in - my relationship with Jake is wonderful, and our decision to not sell our home and move. But everything else... is storm tossed at best. People I love are struggling with very serious issues that demand my help in time and funding, the severe economic storm in Michigan is not helping Jake find work, the cash saved for this time is dwindling, medical issues are growing, we denied a purchase agreement for the opportunity to sell our rental property because of some suspicions it aroused. The early hours are beginning to find me awakening to "what if"? But before anxiety takes root, I reflect on what the Lord has done so far. He clearly led Jake and I to sell our business. The details were orchestrated in such as way so to know that we know... The Lord was clearly directing our path. So now is no time to loose faith. Now is time to celebrate the goodness of God, the faithfulness of our Lord. It is time to cling tenaciously to the Word and The One it reveals. It is time to spend more time on my knees. But instead, I got distracted, and busy. As I tried to brush past this point with a very discerning friend, she cornered me with "you know Dinah, no one can do this for you but you". Once I got past being mad at getting busted by her discernment (it didn't seem fair at the time) I realized how ordained our visit was. How absolutely true and wise her words were. I had fallen into that cycle of being in the Word, but for purposes other than spending time with my Life-Source. I was completing studies, fleshing out concepts, seeking direction. But I was not lingering at the River of Life for the love of the Lord. I was not spending time listening. I was growing dry, and beginning to look to myself for solutions to the myriad situations confronting us. We are in a place in which the Lord is taking us by the hand through a mine-field. Trying to walk by sight now is pointless, and could be dangerous. Knowing better, I tried it anyway! How blessed I am that the Lord knows my need, even when I forget to bring it before Him. He provided the loving rebuke of a trusted friend, whose prayers I could feel the next morning as I dove in, and drank deeply. Now is no time to loose faith, but it is time to stand on it - to allow the Lord to perfect it, to look not to the circumstances but to Him who controls them, and trust that His plan is perfect, right and wise.

worthy Shepherd

2007-10-20T22:00:00.000-07:00

I had the pleasure of attending a prayer retreat today with some lovely women from my church. I am still savoring the image of Jesus as our Shepherd. My safety is in Him, not my own strength or cunning. A few years ago, I thoroughly enjoyed a study of Phillip Keller's book, A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23, and found it very nice today to have the opportunity to reflect on Christ - and His reflection of God's glory. Not only is He our awesome and majestic Lord- through Whom creation occurred, but also our powerful King, who paid our price as our meek and humble Savior. But it was particularly delightful to contemplate Jesus as our worthy and competent Shepherd. He is my soul anchor - the substance and reason for the hope that supports my eternal safety. Through His competent care, I am given everything I need to know Him, follow Him, serve Him, glorify Him. Through Him... His provision... His leading... His guidance - how I delight in each reassurance that I am resting in One who is able, and faithful, righteous and true.

Each time I test the boundaries of the sheep / Shepherd relationship - like trying to go it on my own for a while... I am reminded of how blissful is the ignorance of a sheep. To trust in the Lord, when in the natural things are just not happening fast enough, and it really seems "prudent" to take action according to my own ideas, or the world's ideas, requires the helpless faith of a sheep. I suspect the more capable we are, the more difficult it is to rest when we'd rather rush... to wait when we'd rather increase our odds of winning, to trust, rather than take.

All I know is that if it is not His will, it should not be my desire.

How worthy, wonderful and faithful is our Shepherd.

safe in His hands

2007-10-03T14:31:00.000-07:00

Jesus began His earthly ministry in total dependence upon the Father. Through His submission to baptism by John the Baptist, to his 40 day fast in the wilderness, in all things He deflected glory to the Father, and learned to completely rely on the Father. One result of doing all things by the Father's strength was the legacy He provided us - - we, too, can overcome humanly insurmountable odds when we are in total dependence upon the Father. Jesus played out for us the truth of God's power being perfect in our weakness. He not only showed us that we can overcome in the strength God provides us, but He showed us HOW - following His 40 day fast, after being harassed by Satan for the duration, when taunted to turn stones into bread, responded with truth - the Word of God "Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God". It is the Word that feeds our spirit, strengthens us, grows us, teaches us. True, we cannot live forever without physical food, but we cannot live forever WITH it either. However, spiritual food, the Word of God, timeless, true, tested and triumphant, will reign forever.

Another aspect of this legacy, is that Jesus faced every temptation we will experience -human in form, subject to the same temptations that we confront - without caving. I'm not saying this so I can feel condemnation for my frequent failures, but so I can wonder about this Jesus... so I can just allow myself to be suspended in that place of awe at what He did. Not only WHAT He did, but the legacy He provided the church in the process - since He lived life the same way I live it, since He faced temptation, discouragement, fatigue and grief - just like I do, I know He knows what I'm going through when I'm there as well. Because He laid down His life for me, I know that my heart is safe in His hands, and my future can rest in His promise.

the scent of our King

2007-09-27T07:28:00.000-07:00

This bloom of Rose of Sharon in my backyard is concealing her beauty - only a hint, a glimpse of what is contained within the petals can be seen. That reminds me of the view the Old Testament saints had of Jesus, veiled shadows pointing to a future glory and a majesty so great that when He walked in their midst, many failed to recognize Him. They were looking for what would fit within their paradigm of majestic glory. This morning my heart, much like the writer of the Psalm below, is overflowing with a yearning - but mine is to know Him so well, that I will not miss Him... a need to know Him so intimately that I can recognize His scent. This post is the first in what, Lord willing, will be a series of studies to know my Lord more intimately.

Psalm 45:8

All Your garments are fragrant with myrrh and aloes and cassia;

Out of ivory palaces stringed instruments have made You glad.

I spent a few months sniffing essential oils, incense sticks and the like in the search for this scent. I learned that a comparable fragrance that I could relate to would be something of a combination of sandalwood, and cinnamon, but I had no current reference for the aloes. I discovered that these combinations would fragrance anointing oils - as for anointing the High Priest, as well as for embalming the dead. Hmmmmm. This oil is also referred to as the oil of gladness, or the oil of joy. The Holy Spirit is frequently referred to as this oil. My search for the scent was pointing so clearly to Christ Himself, that my search transferred back to Him alone. Joel 2:13 comes to mind, in that outward expressions are not what God is looking for, and therefore are probably not the way in which He is revealed either. What I really seek is to fellowship so closely with Him that I begin to bear His scent, from the inside out. I can only know Him this well when I abide deeply in the Word and prayer, because through the Word I come to know the truth of Christ and God's purposes, and through prayer, the knowledge in my head deepens the relationship with my heart. I'll be exploring the glimpses of my beloved Savior throughout the Word as I seek to become more like Him in the process.

My first glimpse of Christ is in creation:

Genesis 1:26:

Then God said, "Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the sky, over the cattle and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth."

Colossians 1:15-17

He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by Him all things were created, both in the heavens and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities - all things have been created through Him and for Him. He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together.

Hebrews 1:2

...in these last days has spoken to us in His Son, whom He appointed heir of all things, through whom also He made the world.

I am struck by the example of unity that this reveals... Our triune Godhead planning the world that would later be our temporal home. Jesus enacted the desires of His Father's heart...the Holy Spirit quietly hovered, how beautiful. Consider how closely Christ was aligned with the purposes of God the Father. No personal agenda, no disagreements in project management. Just pure unity. Unity in purpose, execution, design.

However - - there are some features of creation that keep me guessing... when I consider some marine animals, their amazing design gets me to think there might have been some compromise involved in this whole unity thing....

Bicolor Angelfish bottom photo

Mandarin Goby top photo

Ok, I'm kidding... The marine examples reflect, to me, the utter joy and expressive abandon that accompanied the act of creation. There is a joyful, exhuberant side to the Lord. To contrast my image of my King suffering for my wretched sin, I can contemplate my preincarnate Lord, spirit in form and omnipresent in nature, celebrating the expression of perfection, joyfully splashing color, sound and smell across the vast beauty of His creation. The realities of life in today's world frequently expose me to news reports so hideous that I cannot bear the details, and must rush turn the radio off so I can to turn my heart to prayer. Especially in these moments, I must remember that this same God is Lord and King over all. As our world continues on its course toward our appointment with eternity, I must never loose perspective. He reigns. His purposes are unfolding before our eyes, even when we cannot see. This all began for the purpose revealing and celebrating His glory, and that is where it will all end. The hand that created the universe is the same Hand that was pierced for our sin, and it is the same Hand that will return to take us home.

Enjoy Nicole Mullen celebrate the hope of our Redeemer!

giving voice

2007-09-20T07:54:00.001-07:00

Psalm 40:3
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.

I guess if my blog has a banner, this is it. My desire is to share the God-prints in my life, and together with you magnify His goodness as we press into the heart of God.

This verse causes me to reflect on the many ways a voice is given to what lacks language. For example, I was a pianist prior to going into business with Jake...loosing my thumb joints etc. Music gives voice to rapturous joy, brooding laments, deep yearnings - this language is not spoken with words - but instead the language of melody, harmony, rhythm and tempo. But in the hands of a musician, these combine to speak the language of music, that can be understood by the heart.

The tiller of a sailboat speaks a language too. It conveys, through is resistance and tension the language of the seas as the power of wind and current are harnessed by the keel and sails of the boat. This language is understood by the hands of the helmsman, and contributes to effective control of the boat.

But... hymns, songs... what is God truly looking for from me as a way to give voice to the song He has placed in my mouth? Did people just burst into a song of in the days of the Old Testament -- and did this impact people differently that it would today? I use to participate in an outreach on the streets of Detroit that necessitated driving a van up and down Woodward Ave. and Michigan Ave. in the wee hours of the morning. One morning, about 2:30 or 3:00 am, we stopped at the best donut shop on earth IMHO... Dutch Girl (or was it Dutch Boy??) on Woodward near 7 mile- for an unbelievably fresh donut and some fresh-ground coffee. On my way back to the van, I was serenaded by a man with a lovely operatic voice - singing a wonderful tenor aria to me - full volume. I stood there sipping my coffee, wondering how much danger I was actually in ... curious as to what the few cars that drove past were thinking... as well as wondering how many sleeping people were suddenly dreaming opera. But it just felt weird - and his voice was actually fabulous. We don't look at song as a conventional mode of street or office language. Did they really sing to each other back then?

God used creation to give voice to the inexpressible in Psalm 19:1-4

The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of His hands.
Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they display knowledge.
There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard.
Their voice goes out into all the earth,
their words to the ends of the world.

This language of the inexpressible points to the inexplicable, and we have nothing left to say but "GOD". Hallelujah!

So, what languages declare the glory of God? Please add to the list! I want to expand my vocabulary.

1.) the language of a smile; universal, open, welcoming...
2.) the language of deference; little understood these days, but when someone lets you go ahead of them, and you are on your last nerve... it can speak volumes
3.) the language of kindness; I watched as my husband offered to hold the door for a man on crutches as we entered the surgical waiting area for my hand surgery. You could read in the man's gratitude how many doors were slammed in his face by able-bodied people.
4.) ....

who gave Himself

2007-09-14T07:20:00.000-07:00

photo: full moon rising over Lethbridge, Alberta

Last night was predominantly sleepless. During these dark, solitary hours, I am particularly prone to attack, despair, discouragement. However, I sensed the Lord giving me this scripture yesterday for pondering... it proved to be effective in my defense against attack last night as well as a source of joy during the day. It is good to return to the bottomless foundational truths to reinforce and restore what the world seeks constantly, to erode.

Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ,
who gave Himself for our sins
so that He might rescue us from this present evil age, according to the will of our God and Father, to whom be the glory forevermore. Amen.

Galatians 1:3-5

gave HIMSELF. Not an external, peripheral token, but His very self. Not a day or a week or even a decade, but His very SELF. God the Son, stepped into time, donning flesh of His creation, identifying with us. That is the part that captures my heart - He did this in such as way as to enable us to recognize Him, understand Him, identify with Him, and follow Him. For this total identification, as well as to fulfill the qualifications for High Priest, (Hebrews 2:17) He laid down aspects of His Deity that would have given Him an advantage that rendered His example untouchable. But then after coming into this world and living for us, He died ... for our SIN. He didn't die for the cute, sincere, well-intentioned human frailties, but for the sin which cut us off from God the Father. The sin that permeates, even polluting our seemingly good intentions. He died for the "me" that is ugly and untouchable by God the Father. Not the "me" that He knew would eventually turn to Him... choose Him... receive Him... Love Him. He died for the "me" that rejected Him, spat on Him, nailed Him to the cross.

so that....

He might rescue us from this present evil age.... Good news. We've been rescued. I had nothing to do with the Lord dying for my sin - I was passive in my rescue. I have been rescued from eternal death / damnation / separation from God, and have been rescued from this present evil as well. This present evil that works constantly to convince me that I am at risk, floundering, vulnerable. This present evil, that can so overwhelm us at times, that we forget to draw our Sword, causing us to become focused on the battle, forgetting that it has been won. It is not MY ability to fight that this victory is based upon. This victory is based on the work of Christ. To bring that eternal victory into the dark hours of the night, I need to draw the Sword, overcoming the evil with the power of the Word. (Ephesians 6:10-17) My focus needs to be my all sufficient Savior - not the details I might otherwise choose to be consumed with.

According to the will of our God and Father - - the foundation of my confidence is in being in God's will. Knowing He is faithful. Knowing His Word has power. Knowing I am to use the Word as my defensive weapon, not my own reasoning power, problem solving ability.

To Whom be the glory forevermore. I must be willing to relinquish any fantasy of having contributed to the battle with my own strength, with my own anything. I cannot even use the Word in my own strength.

momentarily taciturn

2007-09-13T09:35:00.000-07:00

whilst generally bordering on loquaciousness, single-handed typing has inspired me to explore the world of verbal restraint. one month of living one-handed lies ahead, left hand immobilized, awaiting healing of the tendon fashioned into a graft, replacing my basal thumb joint. that is the bottom one, attaching to the carpal bones of the wrist.

i envisioned more wilderness time with God during this recovery- after my right hand i enjoyed amazing fellowship and intimacy with the Lord. this time i'm distracted. different place. different focus. i don't like it.

a sleeping passion has been awakened. i want a sailboat. i re-live my sailing days every night through dreams. awakened from a sound sleep by my own yelp, searing pain in my hand ... the realization slowly dawns that the jibsheet i'm winching in is only a dream and i can let go now.

the plastic bag technique failed this morning, so i drenched my cast/dressing in the shower. my arm is soggy. yik. i don't like it.

too emotional. thanks, hormones.... i don't like it. don't think jake does either.

i want my wilderness back... i don't like it here.

God - momentarily taciturn. moments feel like a long time. what do you mean "welcome to my wilderness?"

sitting it out

2007-09-10T09:13:00.000-07:00

Just a note to say that I had surgery Friday, and until the narcotic fog clears I won't be blogging. All went very well this time. None of the anesthesia complications that we had last time, praise the Lord!! I appreciate your prayers and enjoyed that special presence of the Lord that remains a more prominent memory than the ordeal.

content with manna

2007-09-05T22:25:00.000-07:00

There is something about need that allows new insights to surface - - about ourselves, and more importantly, about God. Self-reliance insulates us against that nagging and sometimes terrifying awareness of there being an end to our ability. We can spend many decades snuggled comfortably behind that insulation. Its warmth and softness can shield us from the harshness and sharp edges of the world. But snuggled in that little cocoon called our comfort-zone, we are also shielded from something magnificent, astounding, life-giving. Until something rocks our world and cracks open our cocoon, we may never know El-Shaddai.

El-Shaddai is Hebrew for God Almighty, a name that reveals the complete power to provide. Interestingly, the Shaddai part of His name is related to a world that means breast, so the Hebrew scholars believe this name describes the aspect of God that meets all our needs. It tells us that He can and will supply completely, just as the nursing mother provides all her childs physical, nutritional and emotional needs in the act of nursing her infant.

But to receive the Lord in this way, we must come vulnerable, needy. The self-sufficient can acknowledge the almighty power and infinite goodness of God, which is an awesome start, but the one who comes needy goes beyond appreciation of omnipotence and omniscience - the needy enters into a place of trusting the Lord for the very air they breathe - the broken know God in a place of restoration, consolation - provision, grace - hope and confidence. God's power is made perfect in our weakness because we've finally let go of the reins in that place. Grown too weak to hang on, perhaps. However it happens, to know the Lord in a place of our own desperation, causes us to walk in a new confidence in Him, trusting in His faithfulness. We finally emerge from the cocoon, knowing we were not protected by it, but shielded from grace by it. We can handle the sharp edges or the cold, because we know that the Lord accompanies us there, and will not allow us to endure anything that He did not either decree or permit. That thought brings me back to the beginning of my thinking - - it is by the sharp edges that God allows, that our cocoon is split open in the first place.

I'm thinking along these lines as I approach joint replacement surgery to my left hand. I know what the Lord did during the recovery from my right hand. He met me there. Sure I had pain, sure I struggled to do what little I could even do. But that time alone with the Lord in the wilderness... was amazing. I learned what He promises is real. I learned what He says, He'll do. I learned that even when I think He's found me terribly annoying and must be on to more fertile ground, that He is beside me. Consolation is mine, if I seek it, and am willing to be consoled His way... instead of mine. Therein lies the secret to contentment with manna. I have to let God be God, and find joy in being a lump of clay. If I desire contentment, and the truest form of joy, I have to accept His terms, and embrace them as mine.

Proverbs 16:9

2007-09-03T06:42:00.000-07:00

This was the start of last year's West Virginia backpacking trip.

Perhaps it is just "coincidence", but....
(those who know me know I do not believe in coincidence...) we were supposed to be backpacking in West Virginia this weekend. This is a trip we've had planned and been looking forward to for the whole year. We were to hike a ridge and attempt our first route that did not have easy access to water, as you have when hiking a valley where you'll find rivers and streams. Apparently God had other plans. I don't pretend to be able to understand His ways, but sometimes some of the benefits of the change in plan are immediately obvious. Since aborting the trip Wednesday night (due to a team member obeying a leading to minister to an aunt in crisis), here are a few of the things that have happened:

Thursday there was a medical crisis HERE that needed my help, when we would have been out of town taking the dogs to the dogsitter (Grandma's house).
Friday morning I broke a toe. Cramming my foot in a boot and strapping 40 pounds of gear to my back would have made for a miserable weekend.
Friday night we had an opportunity to go sailing with some friends who are very strong in the Lord, and gained new perpsective with regard to how the Lord had been leading us.
Sunday we attended a service in which the message provided confirmation and direction to many aspects of this season. By the time we arrived home from church, we had a clear sense that the Lord had illuminated the next step of the process, we took our house off the market, and entered into a whole new sense of peace, settledness and direction.
Monday - we would have been hiking off the mountain this day, and I started the morning off by throwing my back out. Not bad, just that nuisance pain that tells me I need to become more intentionally fitness minded, especially after these hand surgeries that cause such atrophy from being immobilized.

Proverbs 16:9

The mind of man plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps.

back home again

2007-09-02T10:11:00.000-07:00

This was a hard thing to get used to. I was amazed at how many issues surfaced as I allowed my husband to take the helm. I know this is what he had to do, and what he is fully competent to do, but, you know...

We bought my childhood home from the estate after my dad passed away on the fateful 9/11. It just made sense for us in that season of our lives. We were also able to pay it off, and live mortgage-free. A series of events - brought us to the belief that we were to change location, direction, habitation, vocation... basically our entire lives seemed to be tossed up into the air. So, in response, we placed our house on the market. Wow. Let me tell you, my flesh wanted to throw hissy fits. My husband's parents immigrated, his sisters and he then migrated to different parts of the continent. They are accustomed to living physically apart, without sacrificing the intimacy and closeness of relationship. They figured out how to do it, and well. BUT.... My parents rarely wanted to step foot out of their house... Two of my three wonderful sisters live here. My daughter and scrumptuous grandbabies live within an hour of here. I have 3 semesters of Biblical Hebrew under my belt, which was no easy task. I don't have throngs of friends, but those I have, I cherish. But Jake, bless his heart, has lived with my choices and the consquences thereof since we said I-DO. He has totally laid down his agenda, his desires, the pulls of his heart to satisy my needs. For the first time, he wanted something other than what we have. GULP. It was clearly his turn. So, I laid it down. I've not shed more tears in my life than those over leaving the people I love (privately... Jake never knew). But, regardless, I embraced the idea - we listed the house, and both worked like crazy to tend to the details of it showing well. I kept the house "company ready", I prayed for a buyer. We followed a trail of "bread crumbs" to Oregon, a trip clearly of the Lord's design, fell in love with the area, developed relationships with several of the people, truly cooperated with whatever Jake desired. Came home and cried some more. Laid it down all over again... you get the picture.

But Jake has been reading this book... about living debt-free. We are in total unity with regard to this goal, and our only debt at this point is our cars. To pull off the move we had envisioned, we would pool the revenue from the sale of our assets, combine that with a mortgage and live to pay it off. We are empty nesters- mortgage free, about to be completely debt-free... why on earth would we want to do something like that? Funny you should ask... that is the exact question Jake began asking. Combine this with some new ideas of how we could escape the chaos of the city and actually enjoy refreshment for a change (no longer being chained to a business), the decision was nearly made. But the decision had to be his.

For kicks this morning we attended a church right in our community, instead of doing the cross-town commute. We loved it. The people looked familiar... like we'd seen them before. Who knows, maybe they are our neighbors?? Anyway, this thing has been bathed in prayer, and by the time we arrived home from church, Jake had decided that after having examined the choices, he'd choose our current home. Not as my dad's house, but as the home he is the head of - HIS choice. So he placed a call to the realtor who graciously agreed to take OUR HOME off the market. It is no longer for sale.

OK, this has been a really REALLY big deal to me. I have not gone into half of the issues, deadlines and "stuff" that were interwoven into the timing of this. It was more than I could think through. But the Lord was faithful. Again. He allowed this situation to bring many things to the surface. Things that were heavy, deeply rooted, painful - probably inaccessible any other way. And by bringing this stuff to the surface, He brought it into His light, which reveals the darkness, the deception that prevents us from untangling ourselves. He has corrected thinking that has kept me in bondage. This is just the surface I've scratched. Isn't God good?

run with the wind

2007-09-01T18:18:00.000-07:00

I grew up sailing with my dad. As his First Mate for racing and the like, I grew to love life under sail. Harnessing the power of wind and current always thrilled and amazed me. Celestial Navigation and Piloting were favorite subjects of my science fair projects. Sailing remained in my blood long after leaving home for an ill-fated marriage at the age of 19. Last night Jake and I were invited out for an evening sail with some friends. I silenced my urge to warn Jake of the dangers of arousing this sleeping passion. I merely agreed to go.

Sailing is a sport that humbles control freaks. When pursuing a destination upwind, since a sailboat cannot sail directly into the wind, the course must be slightly off the wind, and the destination is reached by several zig-zags. This is called tacking upwind. So if the wind is coming from where you want to go, you are in for a bit of effort to reach your destination. But this can be an exciting sailing position because you can heel, or sail with the boat leaning over dramatically as the sails are trimmed tight against a strong wind, a sure fix for adrenalin junkies. Fun stuff. But reaching your destination can be a different story. Last night our destination was right where the wind was coming from. But the weather was perfect, the company was good, and no one really seemed to care where we wound up. So we tacked back and forth across a good stretch of water into the wind, and then we were treated to a run back to the marina by sunset.

A run can feel so effortless that you need to look at bubbles or debris in the water zooming past you to be reminded that you are actually moving. And at a good clip. You no longer feel the wind against your face, and since you are running with it, don't sense any resistance to the wind by the boat or sails. The over-all sense of it is peace... calm... REST. Surrender. While the upwind course can spell adventure to many, running with the wind lacks all the outward display of sport, of risk, of skill. It is a place of resting while the wind and current just carry you along.

Jake and I are currently in a place where trusting the Lord is a huge focus. We are suspended in a place of waiting, with several opportunities to make a false start, think we've figured out God, every new perspective threatens to convince us that THIS SURELY MUST BE IT. Now, with the sleeping passion of sailing awakened, we are considering ways to stay in the Great Lake State... But the Lord has very clearly demonstrated to us that when it is time, and when it is really IT, He will make it clear. Part of the discomfort of this new place is the lack of busyness - the lack of stuff to do. What that really equates to is a lack of importance - the loss of being needed for MY OWN contributions.

After a season of working to prove to myself that I was saved, (and undoubtedly others as well) I'm beginning the learn how to run with the wind, instead of against it... opposed to it, even if well intended and "only a little". It really looks like I'm not accomplishing anything at all, you know? My planner is not plastered with ink. There are openings in my schedule. Many, in fact. I'm currently out of work, and must remain so until after I've recovered from hand surgery that is scheduled for next Friday. That probably will not be until January. I have no committee meetings, no leadership meetings, not even any "official" discipleship involvement. I'm really not serving in an "official" position with my church, as the Lord has said "no" to many requests placed before Him. I feel like I really bring nothing to the party, you know?

There is really nothing left for me to bring, or do, or lead or plan, because He has already done everything that matters. The only thing left for me to do, is to follow. To respond. Not passive indifference, but a poised readiness, that refuses to indulge in a false start to relieve its discomfort.

From this place I'm learning some things about myself.

I'd rather study God's Word deeply and thoroughly than pursue a new career.

I'd rather learn to pray well than learn better time management so I can fit more in my schedule.

I'd rather learn to love well than to lead, or plan, or direct, or whatever.

I'm getting comfortable - slowly - with "nothing to show" for "who I am". That's a biggie. During the seasons past, it was all I had.

things above

2007-08-27T09:00:00.000-07:00

I've been haunted by the rage I had rise up in me the other evening. Not because I fear being human, or because I feel I should somehow be exempt from the influences of my flesh - but because that reaction was so completely devoid of the influence of Christ. It is easy to shine with Christlikeness when life is calm and going my way. But we are to persevere - through trial and hardship - and I am haunted by the realization that it took so little trial to cause me to crack. An olive is pressed, or crushed to release its contents - oil. When pressed, I'm supposed to release something much different than rage - that is supposed to be when my greatest witness to the eyes of the lost occurs. They are supposed to be so amazed at the peace and joy emanating from my response to trial that they want what I'm having. Right?

My quiet time this morning brought me to Colossians 3. Somehow my previous studies of this chapter did not point so clearly to HOW to put aside anger, HOW to lay aside old self, HOW to put on the new self... How can the peace of Christ rule in my heart when my mind is arguing some lousy driver's right to consume oxygen? Well... I found a clue. I was driving to an early morning appointment when this morning's reading came back to me. Col 3:2 starts with "Set your mind on the things above..." Hmmmm... I found a definition of this at StudyLight.org. To "direct one's mind to, to seek, to strive for." So I should begin by actively seeking and striving to fill my mind with thoughts of "things above." Um, but that's what I thought I was doing - and it didn't "work".... I usually have my mind occupied with thoughts of my Lord, I find Him captivating and an endless source of wonderful consideration. But I found a degree of "active process" in the word study that I've not previously considered. By "having my mind occupied with" thoughts of the Lord, I am being passive, undisciplined - thoughts come... thoughts go.... I should instead seek to actively APPLY the LOVE evidenced in what inspires those thoughts to the circumstances, people, conditions around me. Actively directing my mind in Christlikeness, instead of passively meandering through the thoughts of the day, the drive, whatever... will do far more to renew my mind and enable me to "put on love..." and "let the peace of Christ rule..." than just having my mind occupied with pleasant thoughts. When pressed... crushed... I want the contents I spew to be glorifying to the One who gave His life for me. I don't want the love I "put on" to be a "put-on"... that falls apart when the pressing begins. How do you put on love... how do you let the peace of Christ RULE in YOUR hearts?

Savior

2007-08-26T18:37:00.000-07:00

This touched me today. Found it on a blog I was exploring:

Thanks to Windows to My Soul for sharing this, and I will add her suggestion:
Watch the whole thing.

road rage and twisters

2007-08-24T21:15:00.000-07:00

I really thought I'd outgrown it. I mean, as my 4th decade draws to a close I was thinking I had achieved some degree of maturity. Today I have to re-consider that. What is it about this raging spirit that is so contagious? Granted, the raged-against driver was in the wrong, in several of her dangerous maneuvers, but still... The scary part is, I allowed the aggression demonstrated by a driver in front of me to act as an affirmation of my "right" to be mad too. There was something in me that rose up and cried "me tooooooo!!!" Now I wasn't as bad as in my un-saved youth... but I was darn sure once this person cut out onto the shoulder to pass the line of cars that had made their way around her roadblock she wasn't going to get in in front of ME. I have to even admit a feeling of glee when her escape was blocked by a road sign on the shoulder. That glee nearly cost me some body work. How stupid. And to make it even more pathetic, we were all trying to beat a tornado home. Heading into dark green skies, 4 sightings of tornadoes, supposed touchdowns... and I'm worried about making sure this person doesn't get away with cutting me off. I feel as if my flesh has just indulged itself in a feeding frenzy of rage and now my spirit's stomach is upset.

dedicated to the Lord

2007-08-19T16:00:00.000-07:00

When Sarah called last night to ask if we wanted to attend Kaitlyn's dedication, my first thought was "so soon?", thinking maybe she should still be resting, and not out and about at only 5 days post-partum. But then Pastor said something that really made sense - "The first place the child is taken is to the House of the Lord." How beautiful!

During the dedication, parents are cautioned against taking too lightly their promise before the Lord to provide a godly home and upbringing to the children, and the grandparents and congregation are reminded of their responsibility to pray for the parents to raise their children according to the ways of the Lord.

Great-Aunt enjoys a moment with Andrew.

My brother-in-law, and their two great boys.

Andrew was making the rounds today! He is at the perfect-snuggly-toddler stage and willingly throws his arms around your neck to snuggle. Ahhhhhh.

Andrew is becoming quite the ham! Much to his grandmother's delight... ;)

Sarah continues to be one of life's joys for me.

Um, and ANOTHER ONE!!!!

Alexis continues to be the perfect big-sister, watching out for Kaitlyn (and Andrew) and filling Aunts and Uncles in on all the stats... like, Kaitlyn doesn't talk yet...

And Big-Sister is 3.... :)

grace withheld

2007-08-16T17:23:00.000-07:00

When God chooses to NOT clunk me over the head with something, I would almost prefer the 2x4. This process of waiting for the next step to be illuminated can be rather, well, shall we say… challenging? The 2x4 is decisive. It is immediate. It can be painful, abrupt, life-altering, but at least that next step is unmistakable – right? We are currently in faith-walk mode here in our household. The Lord has illuminated several steps –but the last of these was a while ago… we are dangling in that place of following through with the last thing we KNEW He wanted...

We believe it was decisively God’s will for us to no longer run our business. But that awareness dawned after several years of bringing us to where we could see it. In retrospect, the process was more 2x4-ish than it seemed. But for one part of this process, the Lord began withholding the grace for tolerating the bump-and-grind of the business world. And that looked drastically different for each of us. For me, it looked kind of like this guppy that naively started out on a new adventure and discovered that it was in a shark tank. And the sharks were not very nice. And they had this appetite for guppy fins.

Withheld grace looked a lot different for Jake – his fins were much tougher than mine. The costly lessons we could emotionally write-off as tuition. After all, it’s the school of hard knocks, right? But that all required grace. Without God’s grace, for me, it was becoming traumatic. I was being wounded. But once you are in certain situations, you cannot just high-tail it when you realize you no longer like where you are. This was one of those situations. A few more years were required to get things to where clients' needs could properly be met while the company was being handed off to a new owner.

So in retrospect, God withheld His grace from our pursuit of that which was not in His will. We opened our company about a year before we became Christians. As we began to seek His will, abandoning our own, the steering commenced. I see the withheld grace as a means of steering... directing...leading. At times all I had to cling to were these words in James 1:2-4 : "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." The Lord allows trial and difficulty at times – for our refinement… perseverance builds character…James 1:12 goes on to say "Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him." love Him we DO... and persevere we did – for 7 years - before God gave us the escape route. But that is another key - - GOD provided the escape. And it was really cool.

I’ll spare you the details, but the process the Lord used to reveal the way out felt like an action-packed chase scene. It put action to Proverbs 16:9 "The mind of a man plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps." It involved Him revealing information we did not know, opening doors, which led to meeting new people, who then revealed more information, and as we were thinking this info contained the answer, and were preparing to “go for it” He then did the bait and switch… took that person out of the picture long enough for new information, new people to come into the situation – with whom we were given peace and clear sailing to pursue, and then when the deal was sealed, the first entity showed up again… but we knew by this time what God’s will was… the deal was done, we were at rest, we had found peace. In the process the Lord also prevented – truly restrained us from making a big mistake. At another point we were desperate for some very specific information, so we raised up a fleece prayer. Then later that day we repented, realizing the Lord’s faithfulness deserved greater faith than THAT - - then the Lord answered that fleece prayer anyway in a HUGE and unquestionable way. It was like He was saying yes yes yes YES YES YES YES!!!!! This IS the way - - WALK in it!!!

So now we are dangling...oops, I guess we call that "faith-walking". But if I can be honest, it really feels like dangling. I will be returning to work in health care - likely persuing more schooling as well, but must tend to more hand surgery in September, which will put me out of commission for several months - so I'm basically useless for a while. Jake must remain available for 2 months of transitioning clients into the care of the new owner of the company, during which time he cannot start a new job. So we are trusting the Lord for light on that next step, but in the meantime, dangling is beginning to feel sort of free... restful...dependent....I'm sure glad holding the other end of the string on which we dangle, is the faithful, competent, utterly trustworthy hand of God!

Fionia's Shark Mania gracious provider of first two shark images
Christian Clipart gracious provider of last fish image

Kaitlyn Rose

2007-08-14T15:30:00.000-07:00

The "come now" call dispatched me at about 3:00 am. The "it's a girl" was celebrated by 5:40 am. This was my daughter's second homebirth, and also the second for which I was blessed to be part of the birthing team. What do I say about a homebirth experience in which prayer accompanies the contractions and replaces drugs, shouts of praise rise to the Lord before the calls are placed to family and friends, and one of the midwives gathers us together to pray for the kids before their departure?

Weighing in at about 7lbs 6 oz. and at 19 3/4 inches long, she out did Andrew's birth stats!

2007-08-14T13:15:00.000-07:00

Alexis has waited a long time for her big moment - - giving the new baby her blankie!

2007-08-14T13:00:00.000-07:00

Rock of Remembrance

2007-08-13T07:30:00.000-07:00

Someone I love was in crisis this weekend. The focus of this post is not the "who-what-when or why" of the crisis, but of the amazing provision and leading of the Lord to get those involved through it. So please forgive the vagueness of the description. My goal of this post is to magnify the Lord's goodness and faithfulness, through linking the provision witnessed, to the scritpural / spiritual principles that are presented in the Word. To protect privacy, I will not reveal the identities of those involved. We'll call the "victim" A, and the victim's partner B.

Daniel 2:22

It is He who reveals the profound and hidden things; He knows what is in the darkness, and the light dwells with Him.

1.) Person A shared a dream of several nights ago, in which the events of this day were described in typically cryptic dream language. That enabled prayer to go forth for protection and also allowed a greater sensitivity to promptings to pray since.

Isaiah 30:21

Your ears will hear a word behind you, "This is the way, walk in it" whenever you turn to the right or to the left.

2.) While this event was unfolding, a serious traffic situation - was avoided by the Lord leading them to take some action (specifically make a right-hand turn). Just before this, person B experienced more prompting to pray, the the prompting shifted from being future-oriented, to be immediate, prayer for NOW.

Proverbs 2:6

For the LORD gives wisdom; From His mouth come knowledge and understanding.

3.) The seriousnes of the event was minimized by more of the Lord's leading which enabled person B to stay calm and take some action that person A, helpless at that moment, required. There was the possibility that death could have resulted if this action was prevented. The staff on site had been told to hold A still until the EMT's arrived. These people were all helpful and concerned, and they had to follow their orders. The Lord provided direction and boldness to B.

Romans 8:26

In the same way the Spirit also help our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words;...

4.) While they were in th ER, B's cell rang. Going outside to retrieve the message, the caller turned out to be a prayer warrior friend, who realized when the situation was explained, that the reason she was prompted to call was because of the need for prayer. B had been struggling to pray, feeling so completely overwhelmed that it felt like prayer becoming tangled in the static, and as a result, feelings of vulnerability were setting in. They realized the phone call was God's provision to have the necessary prayer applied to the situation - as well as bring the assurance needed that they were indeed functioning under a prayer covering - even when they felt unable to pray for themselves. Just as Hagar's need was being met before she could utter her cry, the Lord was meeting theirs as well.

Psalm 84:11

For the Lord God is a sun and a shield; The LORD gives grace and glory; no good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly.

5.) Once A was given a room and the game plan was disclosed, part of the plan suggested preparation for invasive testing, as food and water were being withheld pending exam by a specialist. This caused B concern and did not bring peace. There were some details B needed to tend to, so a brief trip away from the hospital was made, during which time a phone call was placed to another prayer warrior friend. The situation was prayed for, and by the time B returned to the hospital, A had been given dinner - actually TWO dinners, and the plans were downgraded considerably.

Sunday August 12

Discharged after being examined by the specialist, all is well.

So.... now A is at home, and they are celebrating the provisions of God.

These are the truths of God I wish to celebrate and magnify with you because we can so easily get tangled in the confusion of it all that we overlook the Hand of God.

When we are unable to pray for ourselves because we've been blindsided or derailed in some way, God SUMMONS THE PRAYERS ON OUR BEHALF. When His children walk under the protection and blessing of God, He brings us what we need.

God also promises to lead us by His Spirit. Only God knows the future, the destination of the road we're on, or what situation is about to unfold before us. When we are sensitive to the Lord's leading, He can and does cause us to avoid tragedy that was not part of His perfect will for our life - for that day. There are times the Lord uses tragedy to bring about greater glory or greater good, how good to know that unless that is part of His perfect plan, He will instead provide our escape route.

Even when the Lord is allowing a situation, as He did in the lives of A and B this past weekend, in the midst of it, He continues to lead - He can continue to provide direction through the situation to minimize the pitfalls and prevent unnecessary disasters.

How good is our God!

as she waits...

2007-08-10T05:36:00.000-07:00

In her youth, the word "wait" had not yet been admitted to her vocabulary. Nothing beyond reach, nothing out of the question. Yes, the world was her oyster and she made full use of its offerings. Highly esteemed by her master, she would work along side of him, completing with ease the tasks he found cumbersome. Whether it was sitting attentively in a desk chair, or running guideline for cable tied to her tail above ceilings, she was a competent and willing business partner. In the horse arena, she could easily leave any horse in her dust, jumping with ease the highest jumps, navigating with vigor the most tiresome obstacles. Then one day her master went to work without her. She sniffed at the floor under his office door, he was gone. She found him nowhere in the house at all. She attempted to calm her agitation as she figured out what to do next. Then the phone rang... and she started to hear her master's voice coming from the office afterall!!! Jubilantly, she began to claw, chew and dig through the door, until on the other side, she realized her master was in this little box on the desk, which was attached to the telephone. She really didn't know how to deal with this, but from atop the desk sniffed and nudged the box that contained her beloved master.

Later that month she got a very special assignment from her master. She was to work a barn, chasing and ultimately "eliminating" rodents. A Jack Russel's dream. She trusted her master enough by now to know that if he didn't give her dinner, there was certainly a bigger treat to look forward to, so she willing endured the fast on the day before the big job. Slowly dawned the big day. A car ride into the country.... their favorite. Jumping out of the car, her senses were greeted with familiar smells and sounds that held promise for supreme adventure. Once all those wussy horses were put to pasture, she was locked behind the big wooden doors... let the hunting begin!! She enjoyed a full day of chasing and ridding the barn of its unwelcome squatters, until she found a hole she had not before known... Right at the base of the barn wall, this intriguing hole going deep into the ground... beckoning... arousing curiosity... could it be???? Did my master design this day with a fox hunt hidden in the midst of the work? Another sniff and she could restrain herself no longer. Down she went. At first it seemed just fine, normal dimensions, easily navigable... But after a few minutes of scurrying down the dark, dank tunnel, it narrowed, and narrowed, and before she knew it, she was stuck!! Meanwhile, her master was looking for her above, in the barn. Pleased with the work she had done, he was fetching her for dinner and to return home for a nice warm bath. But she was gone. Perplexed, he began to call for her, and clap his hands,whistle. She could hear him faintly, and sensed the concern in his voice. With her dwindling air supply, she began trying to bark and growl. His calling and clapping ceased. A moment of silence, then a strange rumbling could be heard above. Several feet deep underground in the tunnel, she began to feel an intense vibration, and soon some scraping noises. After several minutes of this, she sniffed freedom! Her master had gotten a front end loader and was digging through the earth to rescue her!! Soon she was free, and her master was enjoying the tremendous relief of having his precious friend back, safe and sound, she was enjoying the dish of food he had prepared for her. In the car ride home, she contentedly snuggled into her master, contemplating her lot in life. How lucky she was to have a master that could and would rescue her from a dark and dank grave. She thought back to the day she had chased a squirrel into the street, and just as the impact with the car caused her to summersault over, she saw her master nearly get hit by a car as well, he had chased her into the street as she chased the squirrel into the street... How distraught he became at that little nick in the eyebrow that bled so much. It became evident to her that her master would never let her down. Why, he would even let himself get hurt to protect her! His arms of protection were just always there, it seemed that right when she had gotten herself into trouble that she could not escape, he was right there to help her. Her devotion grew.

Well, the years passed, the love continued. Her master never did let her down. She knew he never would - she would beam with pride when she saw her peers trusting in lesser masters. She also felt a keen sense of sorrow for their lot. No master was as good, as trustworthy or as faithful as hers.

As she aged, the word "wait" was finally admitted to her vocabulary. Now it seemed she did a lot of waiting. Her master no longer expected her to work, her aging body was becoming less agile, more painful. Her life seemed to become more memory than new escapades. Her vision grew dim. Her master would go off to work every day and she would be left to wait. She would keep herself content through the day with thoughts of how wonderful her master is, and patiently await his arrival. She was always the first thing her master wanted to see when he came home from work. One day she was outside when he arrived, and although she could not see him, she heard his voice. Her tail sprang up and she began to trot into the direction she heard him call her name. Suddenly she was surprised by feeling her master's grip. She could not tell that his voice had bounced off the house across the street and she was chasing it - right into the street. But her master saved her. She beamed with pleasure.

As she waited, she also lost her hearing. But she was so content with her day being filled with contemplation of her worthy master, that she failed to notice. She still knew his arrival by his scent. That was always the best part anyway. His scent lingered on her after she spent a lot of time very close to him. Every night at bedtime, she waits for the shirt her master wore that day to be her blanket. To be wrapped in the scent of her master was all she needed for a night of sweet dreams. The years continued to pass, and there are days now that she cannot walk. But she need only make her needs known, and her master is right there to help her. After her master carries her to her food, or outside to do her business, and carries her back in, he always snuggles her more, which allows her coat to retain more of his scent. To her delight, now she can enjoy his scent even without the shirt - it is as if she is wearing him!

During her long days, she ponders... many memories, many hunting dreams. To observe her, it appears that she has remained so content with the hope and promise of her master's return, that she has not noticed what the years have claimed. In fact, each loss has brought her greater provision, and allowed her to witness a display of even greater devotion of her master, almost as if her loss has actually enabled a more precious gain. I can't help it draw parallels to the precious gift of following Christ as my Master. If I allow my mind to be renewed by His Word, provide ample opportunity for my spirit to feed on His presence through prayer, my experience can transcend the pain and disappointment that the world so frequently dispenses. Oh, I enjoy life, my family and friends, and the world, but if its momentary pleasures are the sum total of what I live for, what have I left when it falls? What hope and promise does a memory hold? In Christ, the memory lives - - my redeemer lives - - the hope is alive.

The more my focus is Him, the greater is my joy, the more distant is my pain, the more real is my hope.

2 Corinthians 4:16
"Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day."

Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness....

2007-08-09T21:41:00.000-07:00

The lovely Rogue River as shot by a new friend, during our rafting trip together.

Jake and I were on a discovery trip to Grants Pass Oregon (end of July 2007), believing that the Lord was orchestrating a possible move to that location for us. He first dried up business opportunities, removed the grace for running the biz among other "loud" things - then He just kept placing people, information, opportunities, and this wacky desire before us... intrigued, we began to follow the trail. Now, we didn't know a soul in this little sunkissed valley, and had never even heard of Grants Pass, population 24K. Part of the investigation involved a lead from a forum participant to seek the answer to a question I had posted from the owner of a different website in Grants Pass. The site is called http://www.ilovegrantspass.com/ This began a most fascinating series of communications. People were open, generous, willing to share their knowledge and their leads, encouraging, friendly.... after being completely taken with this response, I posted that we had decided to make a trip out there, and before long we had dinner plans with these people, plans to meet some folks at the Saturday Artesian and Growers market, an invitation to church, sightseeing suggestions, river rafting suggestions..... We booked a week-long trip out there, to listen to see if our hearts cried "home". Our arrival there began a roller-coaster series of flip-flops of what our hearts were saying - one day we believed it was home, the next day it was not nearly worth leaving those we love, the next day we met a bunch of people that felt like we'd known them forever, the day after we were homesick... This began to drive us NUTS, so as we were striving to hear - straining to make sense out of the static, we gave up. We needed fellowship with the Lord just because we love fellowship with the Lord - we knew if we took a day and sunk ourselves into the Word, none of this would matter any more. So, backpacks loaded with Bible, journal, water, snacks and a towel, we headed for the river. While scouting our location, we spied a lady walking two gorgeous dogs. You know what dog magnets we are, she veered in our direciton, we veered in hers... shared stories, before long we are following this stranger to her home so she could get us some information, more conversation, and we end up with a lead into a job opening that Jake was pursuing. This woman was the wife of a high-level manager for this company, requested his resume, and by the next morning, the phone was ringing to set up an "informal meeting", which resulted in Jake meeting with a few people, including the CEO. They even adjusted the time of the meeting because the night before, at a dinner in which we met over 30 people from this forum, we had made plans to go river rafting with the person who had organized it - the first appointment time had us half-way down the Rogue River... inconvenient at best. So... clear across the country, within a timeframe so specific that 5 minutes in either direction would have prevented the encounter, the paths of two families intersect, which results in access to the very information we were straining to hear in the static. Hmmmm, what's the rest of Matthew 6:33? Its even better if I start back a 6:25: Jesus is saying: "For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body , as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap, nor gather into bards, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies ofthe field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! Do not worry then, saying 'What will we eat?' or 'What will we drink?' or 'What will we wear for clothing?' For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

So the rest of the story - we are in a holding pattern, waiting on the Lord, with our faith built up in a huge way by having seen how easy it is for God to bring about what our best striving and straining failed to "do". :) How awesome is our God! We'd love to move to Grants Pass - but more than that we love the high adventure of keeping our eye on the Lord as He throws our entire lives into upheaval, and being constantly amazed at what He does!! The center of His will is "where it's at" - - wherever "that" is!!!

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!

2007-08-08T14:18:00.000-07:00

May 26, 2001. 5:00 PM. This anti-Christian and her handsome hubby find themselves in the company of a colleague of mine and HER handsome hubby... for dinner. Jake and I were, in those days, accustomed to booking things in our schedules... as spacers. Terrible, I know, and if you are one we bailed on plans with, I apologize, but time together was just too nice to share. We'd keep our schedule free for each other by scheduling social events that we would cancel out on. We've repented... Anyway, this particular evening, we were riding out to Grosse Pointe to meet my colleague and her husband, and Jake and I turn to each other and ask: "How did we forget to cancel these dinner plans???" But, half way there, and not even a day's advance warning, even WE didn't have the gaul to just no-show.

So... we do dinner, and discover that my colleague's husband is quite the successful business owner. We had recently started our company, mainly because we hated to see how dishonest things could be out there - we felt sorry for the customers who really didn't know any better... we wanted to run an honest company, the good old fashioned way - with integrity. How cool - - this guy was DOING it!! So, he had OUR attention! The talk turned from his successful, honest business practices, to what he used to be like. Hmmmm. Interesting contrast - caused me to wonder how someone could change so much in one lifetime. The stuff I was looking into talked about one-ness with the universe, good energies, a field of all possibilities and the like, but nothing really changed lives, at least in ways that one could see evidenced like this guy's. What self-help book did HE read?? So we continued to listen to his story. Once in a while he said the "prayer" word, which raised my hackles - but you couldn't dispute a changed life... so we listened. Dinner ended - we went for a walk through a park. More talk about a changed life and how aimless his life seemed before whatever happened, happened. Then back to their house for dessert. That was when he told us about the day his roomates were gone and he stumbled upon a Billy Graham show on TV. He said something about it engaged him - - drew him into watching it... while all the while keeping an eye out to make sure his roomies didn't return and make fun of him. Anyway, you have to remember I was an ANTI-Christian. I just didn't like 'em. I saw all this talk of "waiting on the Lord" "letting God lead" as what a spineless person would say who was avoiding responsibiliy, action, hard work. I was a worker - a hard worker. But all the evidence of his WORK came before the talk of this, so I realized there must be something in those phrases I had misunderstood. I even refrained from bailing out of their house when he got to the part where he described kneeling in front of the TV, crying, holding out his hand to the screen as if it offered promise of receiving him, responding to his deep need - as if it could somehow be aroused with compassion for him and help him. But then something began to happen in me. A stirring. He began talking about what the Bible says about who Jesus is, about how no can live up to God's standard as demonstrated by Jesus, and that is why we need to receive the gift of forgiveness our loving God made available by accepting Jesus' death on the cross as complete and total payment for all our sins. I sensed a "revving" inside of me. This deal was just too good - - I only needed to admit and turn from my sin, and receive the forgiveness offered by Christ by allowing Him to be my Lord and Savior - and I got in return the promise of eternal life in heaven with God. I was raised in a church, but I'd never really understood the gospel. The revving turned to something like a vibration. I had this urge to jump up and shout YESSSS!!! But I didn't know to what, so instead I held on to the couch with a death grip to make my body behave. Then after he finished expaining the scriptures (Roman's Road) he asked if we would like to pray to receive Jesus as our Lord and Savior right then and there. YESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think I startled everyone in the room, but I no longer cared. We prayed. I have no clue how God did this, but this independent, self-directed, not willing to depend on anyone for anything Christian-hater, bowed her head, and in prayer, handed the reins of her life over to Christ. I can't say I heard the angels sing - - THAT night... but immediately I began to sense changes in me. We arrived home from their house and I began searching for my old Bible... I didn't know where to start or what to read. This was frustrating. The next morning I got up - it just was not longer life as usual. Jake said the next day I was a different person. Luckily he loved that person as much as the one he married... :) The nagging anxiety was gone, that "something's wrong" feeling was replaced with a "presence" - I sensed a completion of sorts. I had "made good" with the God of the universe. There is a lot of peace in that... I was doing something and I said "Oh godddd." I used to say that thinking it was spiritual. This time I felt a piercing in my heart - I so badly wished I had not said that. There was a strange sensitivity to anything about God, Jesus, the Bible. I began immersing myself in the Bible daily. My thinking began to change. My priorities, the things I desired, were transformed. I could sense the Holy Spirit dwelling within me. I loved it. I still do. Facing life, knowing that God is sovereign, FOR us, and that what we face is filtered through his fingers of decree or permission, is the greatest freedom I've known. My purpose is to love God, obey Him and allow myself to be used for His glory. He is worthy of that glory, whatever the cost to me to be used for it.

sea of grace

2007-08-06T15:16:00.000-07:00

One of the biggest things God has done for my maturation, was to crash my harddrive...

It was July - August 2006- our second year serving on the mission field in Alaska. We had returned from Strelna Lake Wilderness Bible Camp and I was downloading photographs from the camera to my harddrive at the home of the full-time missionaries we were helping. Before my eyes, as the photos were transferring from my camera to the computer, the ominous blue screen appeared. Total, complete crash. We did not know yet that the data could not be restored. We still had hope at this point that all my data would be recovered as soon as Jake set his mind to it - - after all, Jake ALWAYS got his man in the computer realm. So I packed the computer away and finished our term, thinking it only an inconvenience.

This is the grace of God in easing us into something catastrophic - He allows our comprehension to dawn layer by layer. When we got home, we discovered that the data was completely lost. I had done a full back up of our company files and pictures of my grandchild (one at the time) but had not found the time to back up any of my personal data. The impact of this settled in with gracious slowness. As well as the realization that some company documents were not saved in the files I had backed up..... Once I began to hunt for my creations, realized that I'd lost my entire mind-mapped summary of Romans, all my Bible studies, the few presentations I'd been called upon to do, my resumes, and tons more - - now I was flattened, not just my harddrive. It was not for a while that the biggie was discovered. A few years back we went on a hiking vacation in British Columbia, in search of God metaphors. The Lord blessed us with some spectacular photos, to which I created a power point presentation, synchronized to "Show my Your Glory" by Third Day. We lost the photos as well as the power point. Jake and I both spent a day crying over this one.

So the beauty of this loss was that I finally had NOTHING to show for myself. Everything I had created, accomplished, received any accolades at all for was gone. There was nothing left to do but come empty-handed before the Lord. As I held up my empty hands, bewildered, I sensed His pleasure, and I saw myself being lifted up onto a sea of grace - buoyant, free - seeing the immensity of "it" having been done for me. Nothing I had "done" mattered, all that counted was what "was done" on my behalf by my Lord Jesus. I needed nothing more, I would settle for nothing less. It was finished, I was a new creation, none of the past mattered any longer. I floated there for a while, trying to absorb all I could of the moment. At this point you need to imagine the needle being dragged across the record album, and the angelic refrain coming to an abrupt stop... as I began... to dog paddle....
But after a few more lessons, I started to catch on. I'm learning.... While I'm far from having mastered my flesh in this area, I'm also farther from being clueless as to how deeply the shackles kept me in bondage. How much I was serving the church instead of my Lord. How much I was serving my desire for acceptance instead of my King. It all looked like serving the Lord... it was all ministry... but to whom, really? The book of Galatians certainly has some answers to that...
Then God showed up again. One day Jake was messing around with some computers in the basement. I heard this crescendo of activity then a shout of victory - - he had found an old harddrive that contained the B.C. photos and the power point. The chastening had been accomplished, and restoration had begun. Therefore I

"do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day." 2 Cor 4:16

Be sure to check out my flickr photo albums - I loaded lots of BC shots under the "hiking shots"

angels' wings

2007-08-05T19:14:00.000-07:00

Several years ago I was travelling out to a client's location in Rochester Hills. I was at the intersection of NB Southfield Rd. and I-696, where the RH turn lane turns onto the service road, and the second lane from the curb also has that option. I was stopped at a red light in that second to the curb right hand lane. The green arrow appeared, but I did not set out immediately, I must admit in that situation I was unsure if that green arrow applied to my lane as well. So I waited for the green light, and when it turned green, I proceeded to turn right, staying to my lane. From behind me a Cadillac Escalade approached in the far-right lane. Unfortunately I discovered as I was 1/2 way through my right hand turn, that he apparently intended to go straight, even though he was in an obligatory turn lane. I looked through the passenger side window to see the grill work of this huge Escalade, approximately 6" from the passenger door window. You hear of people's lives passing before them in those split second experiences of wharp-speed. Well in my wharp-speed thought progressions, I was analyzing the wheel base lengths, the near proximity of our vehicles, and coming to the conclusion that collision was indeed imminent. We had passed the point from which recovery was possible. Like the coward I can be, I closed my eyes and braced myself for the fraction of a second that remained before I expected to be hit broadside and catapulted over the rail into the expressway traffic down below. Well, I've seen the television footage of astronauts faces as gravity opposes propulsion, and they make these stretched out grimaces during take off. That was what my face felt like - but sideways, as my angelic legion came between my physical reality and the intentions of my sovereign God. In this millisecond, my car was moved sideways one lane, without impact, and the Escalade was moved sideways in the opposite direction - 3 lanes, also without impact, seperating our vehicles - placing us on opposite sides of the service drive, both pointing east on the service drive for EB I696. I remember sitting there with my mouth gaping open staring at the driver of the Escalade, who was sitting there with his mouth gaping open staring at me. Somehow this busy turn was empty for that moment, this involved no one but us. I wiped the drool from my chin, glad that it was the only bodily fluid I had to deal with at the moment, navigated to the right out of the far left lane which I had landed in, into the ramp lane so I could merge onto the highway and proceed to my appointment.

That night I emailed a friend, Renee, from a church I attended, and told her the story of how God saved me that day. She mentioned this to a mutual friend, Julietta, who then exclaimed to her that she had been burdened for my safety all week, and had been praying for me.

Hey, if you are the driver of that white Escalade, I was in the red '98 Camry. This was during lunch rush, I believe in the Spring or Fall of 2002. Wasn't it cool to be saved by wings set to flight by the effectual, fervent prayer of a righteous woman??

hearing things

2007-08-02T19:33:00.000-07:00

It occurred to me that I have spent much life on seeking to hear the voice of God, to know His will, to avail myself to His leading. Often not really knowing the difference between listening to the voice of my flesh, or the voice of my God, life's direction was sporadically aimed in varied directions - false starts perhaps, after several steps along a path, lacking that deep affirmation - or some sensational awareness of revelation, the path abandoned. Honesty dictates sharing that deeper surrender was also required to follow Him without waivering during that season of my life. ( and this season as well ...) I was still living a life that held up boundaries to territory I would allow God to tamper with. I didn't realize it, I fully believed I was living a life of total surrender, but but experiences that are held for stories in future posts have since revealed otherwise. I'm growing...

My first experience with a deep awareness of revelation knowledge from God that gave direction for action was after being asked to participate in a mission trip to Alaska - summer of 2005. The cost was huge - - we had to self fund as no request was to be made to our church body, we owned and operated a company that required coverage for our clients, we had no savings to provide our wage while we were there, and our dogs required care, to name a few of our concerns. We talked, prayed... interpreted the anxiety in our hearts as a lack of peace from the Lord, and decided against going. After all, we were also called to be good stewards of what God had given us, and leaving on a 2 week trip - taking time out of OUR important business lives - would be fool-hardy. The next morning in my quiet time, I got Philippians 2:21, which says;

"For they all seek after their own interests, not those of Christ Jesus. "

This was the first time scripture jumped in my face and shouted in my ear as it did this morning. I broke down in repentence of my selfishness, called my husband to run it by him, and we immediately changed our minds and agreed to go.

The process of preparation was horrible. Suffice it to say we encountered problems and situations at every possible place. Had I not received the scripture that caused me to "know that I know that I know" I would have thought the Lord was trying to keep us from going and we could have given into the strong desire to stay home. My faith was rattled, my prayer life was shaken, everything was going wrong, right up to the day before departure. A pastor from our church came to our home to pray with us, knowing the trial this season had provided. 2 weeks before departure we learned that my husband's beloved dog of 14 years, Briar, was in end stage kidney failure.. and was given a 2 week to 3 month life expectancy. We decided to not leave her home with the dog sitter, but to take her to Jake's parents in Stevensville ON for some TLC. We would not see her for over 3 weeks, we also knew she could be dead before we returned - - the entire 5 hour drive to drop her off was soggy with tears. But we knew that we knew that we knew... Our other 2 dogs were to stay home with a dog-sitter.

Time for departure approached - the preparations for a mission trip - like this one, were complex. We were to help in conducting a wilderness Bible camp for kids in Alaska. We were flying with the supplies and equipment for crafts and games, as well as our backpacking gear and personal items. Planning, preparing, praying - then obsessing, more praying... Scared to death because I didn't have a clue as to what to expect... Would we be eated by bears?? Finally on the plane. The only "work" that remained for me to "do", was to entrust my concerns to the Lord. Our struggling company, left in the hands of a young technician, I entrusted to the Lord. My daughter, who at that time did not know the Lord and was living in a difficult situation, I entrusted to the Lord, and of course, our beloved friend, Briar, was entrusted to the Lord for safe keeping. I discovered the process of entrusting is a deep form of surrender, release, permission for the Lord to be God. I had no idea what that meant for my future at that time. I felt we were leaving a lot behind... but I knew that I knew that I knew.

Well, the first week of camp was, for me, hell. I was absolutely miserable. Didn't seem to have the grace for anything. Until near the end of the first week, when the Lord awoke me from a very refreshing sleep at 4:00 am, just to be with Him. His glory filled our little cabin in the wilderness, known only to me... a Presence like I've never experienced... As I was caught in the Lord's embrace, I realized that there was no place on earth I'd rather be. I'd give anything for this. Things got no easier for the remainder of the week - - in fact during the hike out after the first group's week at camp was completed - and I contemplated returning the following Monday with a new group, I was squaring off with God - - "Lord - - You are just going to HAVE to do SOMETHING... there is no way this body, under my commmand, is ever coming back here AGAIN. Period. I can't. I won't. YOU CAN'T MAKE ME. So, if you think I'm going through this again, You are just going to have to do something to change my heart." I began singing "praise God" to the tune of Amazing Grace (a camp fav) - - I was praising the Lord because it was over.

Yet I knew that I knew... Well, God showed up on the weekend as well. As the team dispersed to do their various things, Jake and I stayed behind - to help out in prep for the next week. In the midst of this, He provided an opportunity for us to fellowship with a native couple. For some reason this really fed my soul, re-charged my battery - - I realized I was ready to return.

Week 2, younger kids, a day shorter, a little easier. The habit of arising very early to ensure quiet time with the Lord by now was well established for a couple of us. One morning, in our wilderness gazebo / chapel, the Lord gave me another scripture - -

Ecc.11:1

"Cast your bread on the surface of the waters, for you will find it after many days."

Things were really looking up now... We took this as a promise from the Lord for a future harvest in the lives of the dear children we were ministering to.

So, the second week ended, relationships were begun, all went well. God showed up, but I still didn't have a clue as to why we were supposed to be there. That wasn't revealed until later... it continues to be revealed. Stuff for future posts, assuming I keep up this blogging thing...

We arrived home, and over the next several months, I learned a new lesson about God. Remember those 3 things I had entrusted to the Lord? Well, for the first year in many, our company achieved a profit. Today as I write, 2 years later, Briar is still alive and doing much better than that day we dropped her off, feeble, trembling, miserable. Today she is enjoying life, and stronger than then, she is now 16 years old. And remember my daugther? She got saved that year. What else is there to say, but "Lord, You are faithful and I thank You!!!!!"