the scent of our King

This bloom of Rose of Sharon in my backyard is concealing her beauty - only a hint, a glimpse of what is contained within the petals can be seen. That reminds me of the view the Old Testament saints had of Jesus, veiled shadows pointing to a future glory and a majesty so great that when He walked in their midst, many failed to recognize Him. They were looking for what would fit within their paradigm of majestic glory. This morning my heart, much like the writer of the Psalm below, is overflowing with a yearning - but mine is to know Him so well, that I will not miss Him... a need to know Him so intimately that I can recognize His scent. This post is the first in what, Lord willing, will be a series of studies to know my Lord more intimately.

Psalm 45:8

All Your garments are fragrant with myrrh and aloes and cassia;

Out of ivory palaces stringed instruments have made You glad.

I spent a few months sniffing essential oils, incense sticks and the like in the search for this scent. I learned that a comparable fragrance that I could relate to would be something of a combination of sandalwood, and cinnamon, but I had no current reference for the aloes. I discovered that these combinations would fragrance anointing oils - as for anointing the High Priest, as well as for embalming the dead. Hmmmmm. This oil is also referred to as the oil of gladness, or the oil of joy. The Holy Spirit is frequently referred to as this oil. My search for the scent was pointing so clearly to Christ Himself, that my search transferred back to Him alone. Joel 2:13 comes to mind, in that outward expressions are not what God is looking for, and therefore are probably not the way in which He is revealed either. What I really seek is to fellowship so closely with Him that I begin to bear His scent, from the inside out. I can only know Him this well when I abide deeply in the Word and prayer, because through the Word I come to know the truth of Christ and God's purposes, and through prayer, the knowledge in my head deepens the relationship with my heart. I'll be exploring the glimpses of my beloved Savior throughout the Word as I seek to become more like Him in the process.

My first glimpse of Christ is in creation:

Genesis 1:26:

Then God said, "Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the sky, over the cattle and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth."

Colossians 1:15-17

He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by Him all things were created, both in the heavens and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities - all things have been created through Him and for Him. He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together.

Hebrews 1:2

...in these last days has spoken to us in His Son, whom He appointed heir of all things, through whom also He made the world.

I am struck by the example of unity that this reveals... Our triune Godhead planning the world that would later be our temporal home. Jesus enacted the desires of His Father's heart...the Holy Spirit quietly hovered, how beautiful. Consider how closely Christ was aligned with the purposes of God the Father. No personal agenda, no disagreements in project management. Just pure unity. Unity in purpose, execution, design.

However - - there are some features of creation that keep me guessing... when I consider some marine animals, their amazing design gets me to think there might have been some compromise involved in this whole unity thing....

Bicolor Angelfish bottom photo

Mandarin Goby top photo

Ok, I'm kidding... The marine examples reflect, to me, the utter joy and expressive abandon that accompanied the act of creation. There is a joyful, exhuberant side to the Lord. To contrast my image of my King suffering for my wretched sin, I can contemplate my preincarnate Lord, spirit in form and omnipresent in nature, celebrating the expression of perfection, joyfully splashing color, sound and smell across the vast beauty of His creation. The realities of life in today's world frequently expose me to news reports so hideous that I cannot bear the details, and must rush turn the radio off so I can to turn my heart to prayer. Especially in these moments, I must remember that this same God is Lord and King over all. As our world continues on its course toward our appointment with eternity, I must never loose perspective. He reigns. His purposes are unfolding before our eyes, even when we cannot see. This all began for the purpose revealing and celebrating His glory, and that is where it will all end. The hand that created the universe is the same Hand that was pierced for our sin, and it is the same Hand that will return to take us home.

Enjoy Nicole Mullen celebrate the hope of our Redeemer!

giving voice

Psalm 40:3
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.

I guess if my blog has a banner, this is it. My desire is to share the God-prints in my life, and together with you magnify His goodness as we press into the heart of God.

This verse causes me to reflect on the many ways a voice is given to what lacks language. For example, I was a pianist prior to going into business with Jake...loosing my thumb joints etc. Music gives voice to rapturous joy, brooding laments, deep yearnings - this language is not spoken with words - but instead the language of melody, harmony, rhythm and tempo. But in the hands of a musician, these combine to speak the language of music, that can be understood by the heart.

The tiller of a sailboat speaks a language too. It conveys, through is resistance and tension the language of the seas as the power of wind and current are harnessed by the keel and sails of the boat. This language is understood by the hands of the helmsman, and contributes to effective control of the boat.

But... hymns, songs... what is God truly looking for from me as a way to give voice to the song He has placed in my mouth? Did people just burst into a song of in the days of the Old Testament -- and did this impact people differently that it would today? I use to participate in an outreach on the streets of Detroit that necessitated driving a van up and down Woodward Ave. and Michigan Ave. in the wee hours of the morning. One morning, about 2:30 or 3:00 am, we stopped at the best donut shop on earth IMHO... Dutch Girl (or was it Dutch Boy??) on Woodward near 7 mile- for an unbelievably fresh donut and some fresh-ground coffee. On my way back to the van, I was serenaded by a man with a lovely operatic voice - singing a wonderful tenor aria to me - full volume. I stood there sipping my coffee, wondering how much danger I was actually in ... curious as to what the few cars that drove past were thinking... as well as wondering how many sleeping people were suddenly dreaming opera. But it just felt weird - and his voice was actually fabulous. We don't look at song as a conventional mode of street or office language. Did they really sing to each other back then?

God used creation to give voice to the inexpressible in Psalm 19:1-4

The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of His hands.
Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they display knowledge.
There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard.
Their voice goes out into all the earth,
their words to the ends of the world.

This language of the inexpressible points to the inexplicable, and we have nothing left to say but "GOD". Hallelujah!

So, what languages declare the glory of God? Please add to the list! I want to expand my vocabulary.

1.) the language of a smile; universal, open, welcoming...
2.) the language of deference; little understood these days, but when someone lets you go ahead of them, and you are on your last nerve... it can speak volumes
3.) the language of kindness; I watched as my husband offered to hold the door for a man on crutches as we entered the surgical waiting area for my hand surgery. You could read in the man's gratitude how many doors were slammed in his face by able-bodied people.
4.) ....

who gave Himself

photo: full moon rising over Lethbridge, Alberta

Last night was predominantly sleepless. During these dark, solitary hours, I am particularly prone to attack, despair, discouragement. However, I sensed the Lord giving me this scripture yesterday for pondering... it proved to be effective in my defense against attack last night as well as a source of joy during the day. It is good to return to the bottomless foundational truths to reinforce and restore what the world seeks constantly, to erode.

Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ,
who gave Himself for our sins
so that He might rescue us from this present evil age, according to the will of our God and Father, to whom be the glory forevermore. Amen.

Galatians 1:3-5

• gave HIMSELF. Not an external, peripheral token, but His very self. Not a day or a week or even a decade, but His very SELF. God the Son, stepped into time, donning flesh of His creation, identifying with us. That is the part that captures my heart - He did this in such as way as to enable us to recognize Him, understand Him, identify with Him, and follow Him. For this total identification, as well as to fulfill the qualifications for High Priest, (Hebrews 2:17) He laid down aspects of His Deity that would have given Him an advantage that rendered His example untouchable. But then after coming into this world and living for us, He died ... for our SIN. He didn't die for the cute, sincere, well-intentioned human frailties, but for the sin which cut us off from God the Father. The sin that permeates, even polluting our seemingly good intentions. He died for the "me" that is ugly and untouchable by God the Father. Not the "me" that He knew would eventually turn to Him... choose Him... receive Him... Love Him. He died for the "me" that rejected Him, spat on Him, nailed Him to the cross.

so that....

• He might rescue us from this present evil age.... Good news. We've been rescued. I had nothing to do with the Lord dying for my sin - I was passive in my rescue. I have been rescued from eternal death / damnation / separation from God, and have been rescued from this present evil as well. This present evil that works constantly to convince me that I am at risk, floundering, vulnerable. This present evil, that can so overwhelm us at times, that we forget to draw our Sword, causing us to become focused on the battle, forgetting that it has been won. It is not MY ability to fight that this victory is based upon. This victory is based on the work of Christ. To bring that eternal victory into the dark hours of the night, I need to draw the Sword, overcoming the evil with the power of the Word. (Ephesians 6:10-17) My focus needs to be my all sufficient Savior - not the details I might otherwise choose to be consumed with.



• According to the will of our God and Father - - the foundation of my confidence is in being in God's will. Knowing He is faithful. Knowing His Word has power. Knowing I am to use the Word as my defensive weapon, not my own reasoning power, problem solving ability.




• To Whom be the glory forevermore. I must be willing to relinquish any fantasy of having contributed to the battle with my own strength, with my own anything. I cannot even use the Word in my own strength.

momentarily taciturn

whilst generally bordering on loquaciousness, single-handed typing has inspired me to explore the world of verbal restraint. one month of living one-handed lies ahead, left hand immobilized, awaiting healing of the tendon fashioned into a graft, replacing my basal thumb joint. that is the bottom one, attaching to the carpal bones of the wrist.

i envisioned more wilderness time with God during this recovery- after my right hand i enjoyed amazing fellowship and intimacy with the Lord. this time i'm distracted. different place. different focus. i don't like it.

a sleeping passion has been awakened. i want a sailboat. i re-live my sailing days every night through dreams. awakened from a sound sleep by my own yelp, searing pain in my hand ... the realization slowly dawns that the jibsheet i'm winching in is only a dream and i can let go now.

the plastic bag technique failed this morning, so i drenched my cast/dressing in the shower. my arm is soggy. yik. i don't like it.

too emotional. thanks, hormones.... i don't like it. don't think jake does either.

i want my wilderness back... i don't like it here.

God - momentarily taciturn. moments feel like a long time. what do you mean "welcome to my wilderness?"

sitting it out

Just a note to say that I had surgery Friday, and until the narcotic fog clears I won't be blogging. All went very well this time. None of the anesthesia complications that we had last time, praise the Lord!! I appreciate your prayers and enjoyed that special presence of the Lord that remains a more prominent memory than the ordeal.

content with manna

There is something about need that allows new insights to surface - - about ourselves, and more importantly, about God. Self-reliance insulates us against that nagging and sometimes terrifying awareness of there being an end to our ability. We can spend many decades snuggled comfortably behind that insulation. Its warmth and softness can shield us from the harshness and sharp edges of the world. But snuggled in that little cocoon called our comfort-zone, we are also shielded from something magnificent, astounding, life-giving. Until something rocks our world and cracks open our cocoon, we may never know El-Shaddai.

El-Shaddai is Hebrew for God Almighty, a name that reveals the complete power to provide. Interestingly, the Shaddai part of His name is related to a world that means breast, so the Hebrew scholars believe this name describes the aspect of God that meets all our needs. It tells us that He can and will supply completely, just as the nursing mother provides all her childs physical, nutritional and emotional needs in the act of nursing her infant.

But to receive the Lord in this way, we must come vulnerable, needy. The self-sufficient can acknowledge the almighty power and infinite goodness of God, which is an awesome start, but the one who comes needy goes beyond appreciation of omnipotence and omniscience - the needy enters into a place of trusting the Lord for the very air they breathe - the broken know God in a place of restoration, consolation - provision, grace - hope and confidence. God's power is made perfect in our weakness because we've finally let go of the reins in that place. Grown too weak to hang on, perhaps. However it happens, to know the Lord in a place of our own desperation, causes us to walk in a new confidence in Him, trusting in His faithfulness. We finally emerge from the cocoon, knowing we were not protected by it, but shielded from grace by it. We can handle the sharp edges or the cold, because we know that the Lord accompanies us there, and will not allow us to endure anything that He did not either decree or permit. That thought brings me back to the beginning of my thinking - - it is by the sharp edges that God allows, that our cocoon is split open in the first place.

I'm thinking along these lines as I approach joint replacement surgery to my left hand. I know what the Lord did during the recovery from my right hand. He met me there. Sure I had pain, sure I struggled to do what little I could even do. But that time alone with the Lord in the wilderness... was amazing. I learned what He promises is real. I learned what He says, He'll do. I learned that even when I think He's found me terribly annoying and must be on to more fertile ground, that He is beside me. Consolation is mine, if I seek it, and am willing to be consoled His way... instead of mine. Therein lies the secret to contentment with manna. I have to let God be God, and find joy in being a lump of clay. If I desire contentment, and the truest form of joy, I have to accept His terms, and embrace them as mine.

Proverbs 16:9

This was the start of last year's West Virginia backpacking trip.

Perhaps it is just "coincidence", but....
(those who know me know I do not believe in coincidence...) we were supposed to be backpacking in West Virginia this weekend. This is a trip we've had planned and been looking forward to for the whole year. We were to hike a ridge and attempt our first route that did not have easy access to water, as you have when hiking a valley where you'll find rivers and streams. Apparently God had other plans. I don't pretend to be able to understand His ways, but sometimes some of the benefits of the change in plan are immediately obvious. Since aborting the trip Wednesday night (due to a team member obeying a leading to minister to an aunt in crisis), here are a few of the things that have happened:

• Thursday there was a medical crisis HERE that needed my help, when we would have been out of town taking the dogs to the dogsitter (Grandma's house).
• Friday morning I broke a toe. Cramming my foot in a boot and strapping 40 pounds of gear to my back would have made for a miserable weekend.
• Friday night we had an opportunity to go sailing with some friends who are very strong in the Lord, and gained new perpsective with regard to how the Lord had been leading us.
• Sunday we attended a service in which the message provided confirmation and direction to many aspects of this season. By the time we arrived home from church, we had a clear sense that the Lord had illuminated the next step of the process, we took our house off the market, and entered into a whole new sense of peace, settledness and direction.
• Monday - we would have been hiking off the mountain this day, and I started the morning off by throwing my back out. Not bad, just that nuisance pain that tells me I need to become more intentionally fitness minded, especially after these hand surgeries that cause such atrophy from being immobilized.

Proverbs 16:9

The mind of man plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps.

back home again

This was a hard thing to get used to. I was amazed at how many issues surfaced as I allowed my husband to take the helm. I know this is what he had to do, and what he is fully competent to do, but, you know...

We bought my childhood home from the estate after my dad passed away on the fateful 9/11. It just made sense for us in that season of our lives. We were also able to pay it off, and live mortgage-free. A series of events - brought us to the belief that we were to change location, direction, habitation, vocation... basically our entire lives seemed to be tossed up into the air. So, in response, we placed our house on the market. Wow. Let me tell you, my flesh wanted to throw hissy fits. My husband's parents immigrated, his sisters and he then migrated to different parts of the continent. They are accustomed to living physically apart, without sacrificing the intimacy and closeness of relationship. They figured out how to do it, and well. BUT.... My parents rarely wanted to step foot out of their house... Two of my three wonderful sisters live here. My daughter and scrumptuous grandbabies live within an hour of here. I have 3 semesters of Biblical Hebrew under my belt, which was no easy task. I don't have throngs of friends, but those I have, I cherish. But Jake, bless his heart, has lived with my choices and the consquences thereof since we said I-DO. He has totally laid down his agenda, his desires, the pulls of his heart to satisy my needs. For the first time, he wanted something other than what we have. GULP. It was clearly his turn. So, I laid it down. I've not shed more tears in my life than those over leaving the people I love (privately... Jake never knew). But, regardless, I embraced the idea - we listed the house, and both worked like crazy to tend to the details of it showing well. I kept the house "company ready", I prayed for a buyer. We followed a trail of "bread crumbs" to Oregon, a trip clearly of the Lord's design, fell in love with the area, developed relationships with several of the people, truly cooperated with whatever Jake desired. Came home and cried some more. Laid it down all over again... you get the picture.

But Jake has been reading this book... about living debt-free. We are in total unity with regard to this goal, and our only debt at this point is our cars. To pull off the move we had envisioned, we would pool the revenue from the sale of our assets, combine that with a mortgage and live to pay it off. We are empty nesters- mortgage free, about to be completely debt-free... why on earth would we want to do something like that? Funny you should ask... that is the exact question Jake began asking. Combine this with some new ideas of how we could escape the chaos of the city and actually enjoy refreshment for a change (no longer being chained to a business), the decision was nearly made. But the decision had to be his.

For kicks this morning we attended a church right in our community, instead of doing the cross-town commute. We loved it. The people looked familiar... like we'd seen them before. Who knows, maybe they are our neighbors?? Anyway, this thing has been bathed in prayer, and by the time we arrived home from church, Jake had decided that after having examined the choices, he'd choose our current home. Not as my dad's house, but as the home he is the head of - HIS choice. So he placed a call to the realtor who graciously agreed to take OUR HOME off the market. It is no longer for sale.

OK, this has been a really REALLY big deal to me. I have not gone into half of the issues, deadlines and "stuff" that were interwoven into the timing of this. It was more than I could think through. But the Lord was faithful. Again. He allowed this situation to bring many things to the surface. Things that were heavy, deeply rooted, painful - probably inaccessible any other way. And by bringing this stuff to the surface, He brought it into His light, which reveals the darkness, the deception that prevents us from untangling ourselves. He has corrected thinking that has kept me in bondage. This is just the surface I've scratched. Isn't God good?

run with the wind

I grew up sailing with my dad. As his First Mate for racing and the like, I grew to love life under sail. Harnessing the power of wind and current always thrilled and amazed me. Celestial Navigation and Piloting were favorite subjects of my science fair projects. Sailing remained in my blood long after leaving home for an ill-fated marriage at the age of 19. Last night Jake and I were invited out for an evening sail with some friends. I silenced my urge to warn Jake of the dangers of arousing this sleeping passion. I merely agreed to go.


Sailing is a sport that humbles control freaks. When pursuing a destination upwind, since a sailboat cannot sail directly into the wind, the course must be slightly off the wind, and the destination is reached by several zig-zags. This is called tacking upwind. So if the wind is coming from where you want to go, you are in for a bit of effort to reach your destination. But this can be an exciting sailing position because you can heel, or sail with the boat leaning over dramatically as the sails are trimmed tight against a strong wind, a sure fix for adrenalin junkies. Fun stuff. But reaching your destination can be a different story. Last night our destination was right where the wind was coming from. But the weather was perfect, the company was good, and no one really seemed to care where we wound up. So we tacked back and forth across a good stretch of water into the wind, and then we were treated to a run back to the marina by sunset.

A run can feel so effortless that you need to look at bubbles or debris in the water zooming past you to be reminded that you are actually moving. And at a good clip. You no longer feel the wind against your face, and since you are running with it, don't sense any resistance to the wind by the boat or sails. The over-all sense of it is peace... calm... REST. Surrender. While the upwind course can spell adventure to many, running with the wind lacks all the outward display of sport, of risk, of skill. It is a place of resting while the wind and current just carry you along.

Jake and I are currently in a place where trusting the Lord is a huge focus. We are suspended in a place of waiting, with several opportunities to make a false start, think we've figured out God, every new perspective threatens to convince us that THIS SURELY MUST BE IT. Now, with the sleeping passion of sailing awakened, we are considering ways to stay in the Great Lake State... But the Lord has very clearly demonstrated to us that when it is time, and when it is really IT, He will make it clear. Part of the discomfort of this new place is the lack of busyness - the lack of stuff to do. What that really equates to is a lack of importance - the loss of being needed for MY OWN contributions.

After a season of working to prove to myself that I was saved, (and undoubtedly others as well) I'm beginning the learn how to run with the wind, instead of against it... opposed to it, even if well intended and "only a little". It really looks like I'm not accomplishing anything at all, you know? My planner is not plastered with ink. There are openings in my schedule. Many, in fact. I'm currently out of work, and must remain so until after I've recovered from hand surgery that is scheduled for next Friday. That probably will not be until January. I have no committee meetings, no leadership meetings, not even any "official" discipleship involvement. I'm really not serving in an "official" position with my church, as the Lord has said "no" to many requests placed before Him. I feel like I really bring nothing to the party, you know?

There is really nothing left for me to bring, or do, or lead or plan, because He has already done everything that matters. The only thing left for me to do, is to follow. To respond. Not passive indifference, but a poised readiness, that refuses to indulge in a false start to relieve its discomfort.

From this place I'm learning some things about myself.

• I'd rather study God's Word deeply and thoroughly than pursue a new career.


• I'd rather learn to pray well than learn better time management so I can fit more in my schedule.


• I'd rather learn to love well than to lead, or plan, or direct, or whatever.


• I'm getting comfortable - slowly - with "nothing to show" for "who I am". That's a biggie. During the seasons past, it was all I had.