Friday, February 1, 2008

Lord willing

Those words have acquired much greater meaning to Jake and I. We have been seeing the Hand of God in amazing ways in our lives, awesome developments, unexplainable provisions.... God has a way of preparing you for Big Blows by revealing Big Blessings.... I'll start with the blessings: You know I've been in a season of searching. Rites of passage... The Lord led us to sell our company, and part of that struggle was the emotional part of letting go and having to live empty-handed for an unknown duration. I had no idea what I was going to do - and the time spent rehabbing my hands - time that felt horribly idle - was very effective at eroding what little self confidence I may have had at the time. God dropped a fantastic job in Jake's lap that he has remained absolutely thrilled with. Thrilled for Jake, it was hard to admit the emptiness of my days, the purposelessness, aimlessness - but God has placed me in this place, just as He placed Jake in his dream-job. So often I found myself feeling Dorothy's lament as she looked into the wizard's box from which the Lion received his courage and the Tin Man his heart, just knowing there was nothing in his box for her. I began to wonder what my future would / could hold.

Anyway, fast forward through what I'll blog about some other time, this past Tuesday I accepted MY dream job - I think a better fit could not have been created by man. I am totally excited to start and jump in with both feet. I really think I'm going to love it there. I start Monday- this is really a Big Blessing!

Now for the Big Blow:

We learned yesterday, after a cardiac catheterization that Jake needs bypass surgery. Monday. 2-3 vessels are severely blocked and could not be treated with a stent. Just the cardiac cath seemed far out enough for my healthy, active, fit, (tall, handsome, wonderful, never smoked, healthy eater...) husband... We were holding it together really well until today we were asked to go for some additional testing, and were given a tour of part of the area we'll be in for Jake's surgery - and the intensity really started getting to me. I thought I was going to wig out - but I was able to pull it back together after venting a bit... But for tonight, I'm on empty. It's been a very draining few days trying to get stuff done... details, preparation, all the stuff that I won't be able to cope with between Jake's situation and my new job... so I'm weary. I just wanted to share what has rocked our worlds - good and bad - because I'm not sure how bloggy I'll be through this ordeal. I changed my start date for work to Wednesday. Should be one heck of a week. But this is my Mantra: The Lord provided the blessings, the trials, and along with it promises to provide the grace, the energy, the clarity and focus that we will require to get through them. The Lord gives, the Lord takes away. Blessed be His precious and beautiful name.


Elder's Wife said...

I'm praying for Jake and you today

Kristen said...

My dad had this in 2000 & again in 2001. After the first he said he never wanted to go through it again, but the heart valve didn't take and one of the bi-passes....

He was in a lot of pain and says always use the pillow to cough or it will be VERY painful.

We're praying.