things above

I've been haunted by the rage I had rise up in me the other evening. Not because I fear being human, or because I feel I should somehow be exempt from the influences of my flesh - but because that reaction was so completely devoid of the influence of Christ. It is easy to shine with Christlikeness when life is calm and going my way. But we are to persevere - through trial and hardship - and I am haunted by the realization that it took so little trial to cause me to crack. An olive is pressed, or crushed to release its contents - oil. When pressed, I'm supposed to release something much different than rage - that is supposed to be when my greatest witness to the eyes of the lost occurs. They are supposed to be so amazed at the peace and joy emanating from my response to trial that they want what I'm having. Right?

My quiet time this morning brought me to Colossians 3. Somehow my previous studies of this chapter did not point so clearly to HOW to put aside anger, HOW to lay aside old self, HOW to put on the new self... How can the peace of Christ rule in my heart when my mind is arguing some lousy driver's right to consume oxygen? Well... I found a clue. I was driving to an early morning appointment when this morning's reading came back to me. Col 3:2 starts with "Set your mind on the things above..." Hmmmm... I found a definition of this at StudyLight.org. To "direct one's mind to, to seek, to strive for." So I should begin by actively seeking and striving to fill my mind with thoughts of "things above." Um, but that's what I thought I was doing - and it didn't "work".... I usually have my mind occupied with thoughts of my Lord, I find Him captivating and an endless source of wonderful consideration. But I found a degree of "active process" in the word study that I've not previously considered. By "having my mind occupied with" thoughts of the Lord, I am being passive, undisciplined - thoughts come... thoughts go.... I should instead seek to actively APPLY the LOVE evidenced in what inspires those thoughts to the circumstances, people, conditions around me. Actively directing my mind in Christlikeness, instead of passively meandering through the thoughts of the day, the drive, whatever... will do far more to renew my mind and enable me to "put on love..." and "let the peace of Christ rule..." than just having my mind occupied with pleasant thoughts. When pressed... crushed... I want the contents I spew to be glorifying to the One who gave His life for me. I don't want the love I "put on" to be a "put-on"... that falls apart when the pressing begins. How do you put on love... how do you let the peace of Christ RULE in YOUR hearts?

Savior

This touched me today. Found it on a blog I was exploring:





Thanks to Windows to My Soul for sharing this, and I will add her suggestion:
Watch the whole thing.

road rage and twisters

I really thought I'd outgrown it. I mean, as my 4th decade draws to a close I was thinking I had achieved some degree of maturity. Today I have to re-consider that. What is it about this raging spirit that is so contagious? Granted, the raged-against driver was in the wrong, in several of her dangerous maneuvers, but still... The scary part is, I allowed the aggression demonstrated by a driver in front of me to act as an affirmation of my "right" to be mad too. There was something in me that rose up and cried "me tooooooo!!!" Now I wasn't as bad as in my un-saved youth... but I was darn sure once this person cut out onto the shoulder to pass the line of cars that had made their way around her roadblock she wasn't going to get in in front of ME. I have to even admit a feeling of glee when her escape was blocked by a road sign on the shoulder. That glee nearly cost me some body work. How stupid. And to make it even more pathetic, we were all trying to beat a tornado home. Heading into dark green skies, 4 sightings of tornadoes, supposed touchdowns... and I'm worried about making sure this person doesn't get away with cutting me off. I feel as if my flesh has just indulged itself in a feeding frenzy of rage and now my spirit's stomach is upset.

dedicated to the Lord

When Sarah called last night to ask if we wanted to attend Kaitlyn's dedication, my first thought was "so soon?", thinking maybe she should still be resting, and not out and about at only 5 days post-partum. But then Pastor said something that really made sense - "The first place the child is taken is to the House of the Lord." How beautiful!

During the dedication, parents are cautioned against taking too lightly their promise before the Lord to provide a godly home and upbringing to the children, and the grandparents and congregation are reminded of their responsibility to pray for the parents to raise their children according to the ways of the Lord.

Great-Aunt enjoys a moment with Andrew.

My brother-in-law, and their two great boys.

Andrew was making the rounds today! He is at the perfect-snuggly-toddler stage and willingly throws his arms around your neck to snuggle. Ahhhhhh.

Andrew is becoming quite the ham! Much to his grandmother's delight... ;)

Sarah continues to be one of life's joys for me.

Um, and ANOTHER ONE!!!!

Alexis continues to be the perfect big-sister, watching out for Kaitlyn (and Andrew) and filling Aunts and Uncles in on all the stats... like, Kaitlyn doesn't talk yet...

And Big-Sister is 3.... :)

grace withheld

When God chooses to NOT clunk me over the head with something, I would almost prefer the 2x4. This process of waiting for the next step to be illuminated can be rather, well, shall we say… challenging? The 2x4 is decisive. It is immediate. It can be painful, abrupt, life-altering, but at least that next step is unmistakable – right? We are currently in faith-walk mode here in our household. The Lord has illuminated several steps –but the last of these was a while ago… we are dangling in that place of following through with the last thing we KNEW He wanted...

We believe it was decisively God’s will for us to no longer run our business. But that awareness dawned after several years of bringing us to where we could see it. In retrospect, the process was more 2x4-ish than it seemed. But for one part of this process, the Lord began withholding the grace for tolerating the bump-and-grind of the business world. And that looked drastically different for each of us. For me, it looked kind of like this guppy that naively started out on a new adventure and discovered that it was in a shark tank. And the sharks were not very nice. And they had this appetite for guppy fins.

Withheld grace looked a lot different for Jake – his fins were much tougher than mine. The costly lessons we could emotionally write-off as tuition. After all, it’s the school of hard knocks, right? But that all required grace. Without God’s grace, for me, it was becoming traumatic. I was being wounded. But once you are in certain situations, you cannot just high-tail it when you realize you no longer like where you are. This was one of those situations. A few more years were required to get things to where clients' needs could properly be met while the company was being handed off to a new owner.

So in retrospect, God withheld His grace from our pursuit of that which was not in His will. We opened our company about a year before we became Christians. As we began to seek His will, abandoning our own, the steering commenced. I see the withheld grace as a means of steering... directing...leading. At times all I had to cling to were these words in James 1:2-4 : "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." The Lord allows trial and difficulty at times – for our refinement… perseverance builds character…James 1:12 goes on to say "Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him." love Him we DO... and persevere we did – for 7 years - before God gave us the escape route. But that is another key - - GOD provided the escape. And it was really cool.

I’ll spare you the details, but the process the Lord used to reveal the way out felt like an action-packed chase scene. It put action to Proverbs 16:9 "The mind of a man plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps." It involved Him revealing information we did not know, opening doors, which led to meeting new people, who then revealed more information, and as we were thinking this info contained the answer, and were preparing to “go for it” He then did the bait and switch… took that person out of the picture long enough for new information, new people to come into the situation – with whom we were given peace and clear sailing to pursue, and then when the deal was sealed, the first entity showed up again… but we knew by this time what God’s will was… the deal was done, we were at rest, we had found peace. In the process the Lord also prevented – truly restrained us from making a big mistake. At another point we were desperate for some very specific information, so we raised up a fleece prayer. Then later that day we repented, realizing the Lord’s faithfulness deserved greater faith than THAT - - then the Lord answered that fleece prayer anyway in a HUGE and unquestionable way. It was like He was saying yes yes yes YES YES YES YES!!!!! This IS the way - - WALK in it!!!

So now we are dangling...oops, I guess we call that "faith-walking". But if I can be honest, it really feels like dangling. I will be returning to work in health care - likely persuing more schooling as well, but must tend to more hand surgery in September, which will put me out of commission for several months - so I'm basically useless for a while. Jake must remain available for 2 months of transitioning clients into the care of the new owner of the company, during which time he cannot start a new job. So we are trusting the Lord for light on that next step, but in the meantime, dangling is beginning to feel sort of free... restful...dependent....I'm sure glad holding the other end of the string on which we dangle, is the faithful, competent, utterly trustworthy hand of God!

Fionia's Shark Mania gracious provider of first two shark images
Christian Clipart gracious provider of last fish image

Kaitlyn Rose

The "come now" call dispatched me at about 3:00 am. The "it's a girl" was celebrated by 5:40 am. This was my daughter's second homebirth, and also the second for which I was blessed to be part of the birthing team. What do I say about a homebirth experience in which prayer accompanies the contractions and replaces drugs, shouts of praise rise to the Lord before the calls are placed to family and friends, and one of the midwives gathers us together to pray for the kids before their departure?


Weighing in at about 7lbs 6 oz. and at 19 3/4 inches long, she out did Andrew's birth stats!

Alexis has waited a long time for her big moment - - giving the new baby her blankie!

Rock of Remembrance

Someone I love was in crisis this weekend. The focus of this post is not the "who-what-when or why" of the crisis, but of the amazing provision and leading of the Lord to get those involved through it. So please forgive the vagueness of the description. My goal of this post is to magnify the Lord's goodness and faithfulness, through linking the provision witnessed, to the scritpural / spiritual principles that are presented in the Word. To protect privacy, I will not reveal the identities of those involved. We'll call the "victim" A, and the victim's partner B.

Daniel 2:22

It is He who reveals the profound and hidden things; He knows what is in the darkness, and the light dwells with Him.

1.) Person A shared a dream of several nights ago, in which the events of this day were described in typically cryptic dream language. That enabled prayer to go forth for protection and also allowed a greater sensitivity to promptings to pray since.

Isaiah 30:21

Your ears will hear a word behind you, "This is the way, walk in it" whenever you turn to the right or to the left.

2.) While this event was unfolding, a serious traffic situation - was avoided by the Lord leading them to take some action (specifically make a right-hand turn). Just before this, person B experienced more prompting to pray, the the prompting shifted from being future-oriented, to be immediate, prayer for NOW.

Proverbs 2:6

For the LORD gives wisdom; From His mouth come knowledge and understanding.

3.) The seriousnes of the event was minimized by more of the Lord's leading which enabled person B to stay calm and take some action that person A, helpless at that moment, required. There was the possibility that death could have resulted if this action was prevented. The staff on site had been told to hold A still until the EMT's arrived. These people were all helpful and concerned, and they had to follow their orders. The Lord provided direction and boldness to B.

Romans 8:26

In the same way the Spirit also help our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words;...

4.) While they were in th ER, B's cell rang. Going outside to retrieve the message, the caller turned out to be a prayer warrior friend, who realized when the situation was explained, that the reason she was prompted to call was because of the need for prayer. B had been struggling to pray, feeling so completely overwhelmed that it felt like prayer becoming tangled in the static, and as a result, feelings of vulnerability were setting in. They realized the phone call was God's provision to have the necessary prayer applied to the situation - as well as bring the assurance needed that they were indeed functioning under a prayer covering - even when they felt unable to pray for themselves. Just as Hagar's need was being met before she could utter her cry, the Lord was meeting theirs as well.

Psalm 84:11

For the Lord God is a sun and a shield; The LORD gives grace and glory; no good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly.

5.) Once A was given a room and the game plan was disclosed, part of the plan suggested preparation for invasive testing, as food and water were being withheld pending exam by a specialist. This caused B concern and did not bring peace. There were some details B needed to tend to, so a brief trip away from the hospital was made, during which time a phone call was placed to another prayer warrior friend. The situation was prayed for, and by the time B returned to the hospital, A had been given dinner - actually TWO dinners, and the plans were downgraded considerably.




Sunday August 12

Discharged after being examined by the specialist, all is well.

So.... now A is at home, and they are celebrating the provisions of God.

These are the truths of God I wish to celebrate and magnify with you because we can so easily get tangled in the confusion of it all that we overlook the Hand of God.

When we are unable to pray for ourselves because we've been blindsided or derailed in some way, God SUMMONS THE PRAYERS ON OUR BEHALF. When His children walk under the protection and blessing of God, He brings us what we need.

God also promises to lead us by His Spirit. Only God knows the future, the destination of the road we're on, or what situation is about to unfold before us. When we are sensitive to the Lord's leading, He can and does cause us to avoid tragedy that was not part of His perfect will for our life - for that day. There are times the Lord uses tragedy to bring about greater glory or greater good, how good to know that unless that is part of His perfect plan, He will instead provide our escape route.

Even when the Lord is allowing a situation, as He did in the lives of A and B this past weekend, in the midst of it, He continues to lead - He can continue to provide direction through the situation to minimize the pitfalls and prevent unnecessary disasters.

How good is our God!

as she waits...

In her youth, the word "wait" had not yet been admitted to her vocabulary. Nothing beyond reach, nothing out of the question. Yes, the world was her oyster and she made full use of its offerings. Highly esteemed by her master, she would work along side of him, completing with ease the tasks he found cumbersome. Whether it was sitting attentively in a desk chair, or running guideline for cable tied to her tail above ceilings, she was a competent and willing business partner. In the horse arena, she could easily leave any horse in her dust, jumping with ease the highest jumps, navigating with vigor the most tiresome obstacles. Then one day her master went to work without her. She sniffed at the floor under his office door, he was gone. She found him nowhere in the house at all. She attempted to calm her agitation as she figured out what to do next. Then the phone rang... and she started to hear her master's voice coming from the office afterall!!! Jubilantly, she began to claw, chew and dig through the door, until on the other side, she realized her master was in this little box on the desk, which was attached to the telephone. She really didn't know how to deal with this, but from atop the desk sniffed and nudged the box that contained her beloved master.

Later that month she got a very special assignment from her master. She was to work a barn, chasing and ultimately "eliminating" rodents. A Jack Russel's dream. She trusted her master enough by now to know that if he didn't give her dinner, there was certainly a bigger treat to look forward to, so she willing endured the fast on the day before the big job. Slowly dawned the big day. A car ride into the country.... their favorite. Jumping out of the car, her senses were greeted with familiar smells and sounds that held promise for supreme adventure. Once all those wussy horses were put to pasture, she was locked behind the big wooden doors... let the hunting begin!! She enjoyed a full day of chasing and ridding the barn of its unwelcome squatters, until she found a hole she had not before known... Right at the base of the barn wall, this intriguing hole going deep into the ground... beckoning... arousing curiosity... could it be???? Did my master design this day with a fox hunt hidden in the midst of the work? Another sniff and she could restrain herself no longer. Down she went. At first it seemed just fine, normal dimensions, easily navigable... But after a few minutes of scurrying down the dark, dank tunnel, it narrowed, and narrowed, and before she knew it, she was stuck!! Meanwhile, her master was looking for her above, in the barn. Pleased with the work she had done, he was fetching her for dinner and to return home for a nice warm bath. But she was gone. Perplexed, he began to call for her, and clap his hands,whistle. She could hear him faintly, and sensed the concern in his voice. With her dwindling air supply, she began trying to bark and growl. His calling and clapping ceased. A moment of silence, then a strange rumbling could be heard above. Several feet deep underground in the tunnel, she began to feel an intense vibration, and soon some scraping noises. After several minutes of this, she sniffed freedom! Her master had gotten a front end loader and was digging through the earth to rescue her!! Soon she was free, and her master was enjoying the tremendous relief of having his precious friend back, safe and sound, she was enjoying the dish of food he had prepared for her. In the car ride home, she contentedly snuggled into her master, contemplating her lot in life. How lucky she was to have a master that could and would rescue her from a dark and dank grave. She thought back to the day she had chased a squirrel into the street, and just as the impact with the car caused her to summersault over, she saw her master nearly get hit by a car as well, he had chased her into the street as she chased the squirrel into the street... How distraught he became at that little nick in the eyebrow that bled so much. It became evident to her that her master would never let her down. Why, he would even let himself get hurt to protect her! His arms of protection were just always there, it seemed that right when she had gotten herself into trouble that she could not escape, he was right there to help her. Her devotion grew.


Well, the years passed, the love continued. Her master never did let her down. She knew he never would - she would beam with pride when she saw her peers trusting in lesser masters. She also felt a keen sense of sorrow for their lot. No master was as good, as trustworthy or as faithful as hers.

As she aged, the word "wait" was finally admitted to her vocabulary. Now it seemed she did a lot of waiting. Her master no longer expected her to work, her aging body was becoming less agile, more painful. Her life seemed to become more memory than new escapades. Her vision grew dim. Her master would go off to work every day and she would be left to wait. She would keep herself content through the day with thoughts of how wonderful her master is, and patiently await his arrival. She was always the first thing her master wanted to see when he came home from work. One day she was outside when he arrived, and although she could not see him, she heard his voice. Her tail sprang up and she began to trot into the direction she heard him call her name. Suddenly she was surprised by feeling her master's grip. She could not tell that his voice had bounced off the house across the street and she was chasing it - right into the street. But her master saved her. She beamed with pleasure.

As she waited, she also lost her hearing. But she was so content with her day being filled with contemplation of her worthy master, that she failed to notice. She still knew his arrival by his scent. That was always the best part anyway. His scent lingered on her after she spent a lot of time very close to him. Every night at bedtime, she waits for the shirt her master wore that day to be her blanket. To be wrapped in the scent of her master was all she needed for a night of sweet dreams. The years continued to pass, and there are days now that she cannot walk. But she need only make her needs known, and her master is right there to help her. After her master carries her to her food, or outside to do her business, and carries her back in, he always snuggles her more, which allows her coat to retain more of his scent. To her delight, now she can enjoy his scent even without the shirt - it is as if she is wearing him!

During her long days, she ponders... many memories, many hunting dreams. To observe her, it appears that she has remained so content with the hope and promise of her master's return, that she has not noticed what the years have claimed. In fact, each loss has brought her greater provision, and allowed her to witness a display of even greater devotion of her master, almost as if her loss has actually enabled a more precious gain. I can't help it draw parallels to the precious gift of following Christ as my Master. If I allow my mind to be renewed by His Word, provide ample opportunity for my spirit to feed on His presence through prayer, my experience can transcend the pain and disappointment that the world so frequently dispenses. Oh, I enjoy life, my family and friends, and the world, but if its momentary pleasures are the sum total of what I live for, what have I left when it falls? What hope and promise does a memory hold? In Christ, the memory lives - - my redeemer lives - - the hope is alive.

The more my focus is Him, the greater is my joy, the more distant is my pain, the more real is my hope.

2 Corinthians 4:16
"Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day."

Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness....

The lovely Rogue River as shot by a new friend, during our rafting trip together.

Jake and I were on a discovery trip to Grants Pass Oregon (end of July 2007), believing that the Lord was orchestrating a possible move to that location for us. He first dried up business opportunities, removed the grace for running the biz among other "loud" things - then He just kept placing people, information, opportunities, and this wacky desire before us... intrigued, we began to follow the trail. Now, we didn't know a soul in this little sunkissed valley, and had never even heard of Grants Pass, population 24K. Part of the investigation involved a lead from a forum participant to seek the answer to a question I had posted from the owner of a different website in Grants Pass. The site is called http://www.ilovegrantspass.com/ This began a most fascinating series of communications. People were open, generous, willing to share their knowledge and their leads, encouraging, friendly.... after being completely taken with this response, I posted that we had decided to make a trip out there, and before long we had dinner plans with these people, plans to meet some folks at the Saturday Artesian and Growers market, an invitation to church, sightseeing suggestions, river rafting suggestions..... We booked a week-long trip out there, to listen to see if our hearts cried "home". Our arrival there began a roller-coaster series of flip-flops of what our hearts were saying - one day we believed it was home, the next day it was not nearly worth leaving those we love, the next day we met a bunch of people that felt like we'd known them forever, the day after we were homesick... This began to drive us NUTS, so as we were striving to hear - straining to make sense out of the static, we gave up. We needed fellowship with the Lord just because we love fellowship with the Lord - we knew if we took a day and sunk ourselves into the Word, none of this would matter any more. So, backpacks loaded with Bible, journal, water, snacks and a towel, we headed for the river. While scouting our location, we spied a lady walking two gorgeous dogs. You know what dog magnets we are, she veered in our direciton, we veered in hers... shared stories, before long we are following this stranger to her home so she could get us some information, more conversation, and we end up with a lead into a job opening that Jake was pursuing. This woman was the wife of a high-level manager for this company, requested his resume, and by the next morning, the phone was ringing to set up an "informal meeting", which resulted in Jake meeting with a few people, including the CEO. They even adjusted the time of the meeting because the night before, at a dinner in which we met over 30 people from this forum, we had made plans to go river rafting with the person who had organized it - the first appointment time had us half-way down the Rogue River... inconvenient at best. So... clear across the country, within a timeframe so specific that 5 minutes in either direction would have prevented the encounter, the paths of two families intersect, which results in access to the very information we were straining to hear in the static. Hmmmm, what's the rest of Matthew 6:33? Its even better if I start back a 6:25: Jesus is saying: "For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body , as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap, nor gather into bards, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies ofthe field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! Do not worry then, saying 'What will we eat?' or 'What will we drink?' or 'What will we wear for clothing?' For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

So the rest of the story - we are in a holding pattern, waiting on the Lord, with our faith built up in a huge way by having seen how easy it is for God to bring about what our best striving and straining failed to "do". :) How awesome is our God! We'd love to move to Grants Pass - but more than that we love the high adventure of keeping our eye on the Lord as He throws our entire lives into upheaval, and being constantly amazed at what He does!! The center of His will is "where it's at" - - wherever "that" is!!!

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!

May 26, 2001. 5:00 PM. This anti-Christian and her handsome hubby find themselves in the company of a colleague of mine and HER handsome hubby... for dinner. Jake and I were, in those days, accustomed to booking things in our schedules... as spacers. Terrible, I know, and if you are one we bailed on plans with, I apologize, but time together was just too nice to share. We'd keep our schedule free for each other by scheduling social events that we would cancel out on. We've repented... Anyway, this particular evening, we were riding out to Grosse Pointe to meet my colleague and her husband, and Jake and I turn to each other and ask: "How did we forget to cancel these dinner plans???" But, half way there, and not even a day's advance warning, even WE didn't have the gaul to just no-show.

So... we do dinner, and discover that my colleague's husband is quite the successful business owner. We had recently started our company, mainly because we hated to see how dishonest things could be out there - we felt sorry for the customers who really didn't know any better... we wanted to run an honest company, the good old fashioned way - with integrity. How cool - - this guy was DOING it!! So, he had OUR attention! The talk turned from his successful, honest business practices, to what he used to be like. Hmmmm. Interesting contrast - caused me to wonder how someone could change so much in one lifetime. The stuff I was looking into talked about one-ness with the universe, good energies, a field of all possibilities and the like, but nothing really changed lives, at least in ways that one could see evidenced like this guy's. What self-help book did HE read?? So we continued to listen to his story. Once in a while he said the "prayer" word, which raised my hackles - but you couldn't dispute a changed life... so we listened. Dinner ended - we went for a walk through a park. More talk about a changed life and how aimless his life seemed before whatever happened, happened. Then back to their house for dessert. That was when he told us about the day his roomates were gone and he stumbled upon a Billy Graham show on TV. He said something about it engaged him - - drew him into watching it... while all the while keeping an eye out to make sure his roomies didn't return and make fun of him. Anyway, you have to remember I was an ANTI-Christian. I just didn't like 'em. I saw all this talk of "waiting on the Lord" "letting God lead" as what a spineless person would say who was avoiding responsibiliy, action, hard work. I was a worker - a hard worker. But all the evidence of his WORK came before the talk of this, so I realized there must be something in those phrases I had misunderstood. I even refrained from bailing out of their house when he got to the part where he described kneeling in front of the TV, crying, holding out his hand to the screen as if it offered promise of receiving him, responding to his deep need - as if it could somehow be aroused with compassion for him and help him. But then something began to happen in me. A stirring. He began talking about what the Bible says about who Jesus is, about how no can live up to God's standard as demonstrated by Jesus, and that is why we need to receive the gift of forgiveness our loving God made available by accepting Jesus' death on the cross as complete and total payment for all our sins. I sensed a "revving" inside of me. This deal was just too good - - I only needed to admit and turn from my sin, and receive the forgiveness offered by Christ by allowing Him to be my Lord and Savior - and I got in return the promise of eternal life in heaven with God. I was raised in a church, but I'd never really understood the gospel. The revving turned to something like a vibration. I had this urge to jump up and shout YESSSS!!! But I didn't know to what, so instead I held on to the couch with a death grip to make my body behave. Then after he finished expaining the scriptures (Roman's Road) he asked if we would like to pray to receive Jesus as our Lord and Savior right then and there. YESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think I startled everyone in the room, but I no longer cared. We prayed. I have no clue how God did this, but this independent, self-directed, not willing to depend on anyone for anything Christian-hater, bowed her head, and in prayer, handed the reins of her life over to Christ. I can't say I heard the angels sing - - THAT night... but immediately I began to sense changes in me. We arrived home from their house and I began searching for my old Bible... I didn't know where to start or what to read. This was frustrating. The next morning I got up - it just was not longer life as usual. Jake said the next day I was a different person. Luckily he loved that person as much as the one he married... :) The nagging anxiety was gone, that "something's wrong" feeling was replaced with a "presence" - I sensed a completion of sorts. I had "made good" with the God of the universe. There is a lot of peace in that... I was doing something and I said "Oh godddd." I used to say that thinking it was spiritual. This time I felt a piercing in my heart - I so badly wished I had not said that. There was a strange sensitivity to anything about God, Jesus, the Bible. I began immersing myself in the Bible daily. My thinking began to change. My priorities, the things I desired, were transformed. I could sense the Holy Spirit dwelling within me. I loved it. I still do. Facing life, knowing that God is sovereign, FOR us, and that what we face is filtered through his fingers of decree or permission, is the greatest freedom I've known. My purpose is to love God, obey Him and allow myself to be used for His glory. He is worthy of that glory, whatever the cost to me to be used for it.

sea of grace

One of the biggest things God has done for my maturation, was to crash my harddrive...

It was July - August 2006- our second year serving on the mission field in Alaska. We had returned from Strelna Lake Wilderness Bible Camp and I was downloading photographs from the camera to my harddrive at the home of the full-time missionaries we were helping. Before my eyes, as the photos were transferring from my camera to the computer, the ominous blue screen appeared. Total, complete crash. We did not know yet that the data could not be restored. We still had hope at this point that all my data would be recovered as soon as Jake set his mind to it - - after all, Jake ALWAYS got his man in the computer realm. So I packed the computer away and finished our term, thinking it only an inconvenience.

This is the grace of God in easing us into something catastrophic - He allows our comprehension to dawn layer by layer. When we got home, we discovered that the data was completely lost. I had done a full back up of our company files and pictures of my grandchild (one at the time) but had not found the time to back up any of my personal data. The impact of this settled in with gracious slowness. As well as the realization that some company documents were not saved in the files I had backed up..... Once I began to hunt for my creations, realized that I'd lost my entire mind-mapped summary of Romans, all my Bible studies, the few presentations I'd been called upon to do, my resumes, and tons more - - now I was flattened, not just my harddrive. It was not for a while that the biggie was discovered. A few years back we went on a hiking vacation in British Columbia, in search of God metaphors. The Lord blessed us with some spectacular photos, to which I created a power point presentation, synchronized to "Show my Your Glory" by Third Day. We lost the photos as well as the power point. Jake and I both spent a day crying over this one.

So the beauty of this loss was that I finally had NOTHING to show for myself. Everything I had created, accomplished, received any accolades at all for was gone. There was nothing left to do but come empty-handed before the Lord. As I held up my empty hands, bewildered, I sensed His pleasure, and I saw myself being lifted up onto a sea of grace - buoyant, free - seeing the immensity of "it" having been done for me. Nothing I had "done" mattered, all that counted was what "was done" on my behalf by my Lord Jesus. I needed nothing more, I would settle for nothing less. It was finished, I was a new creation, none of the past mattered any longer. I floated there for a while, trying to absorb all I could of the moment. At this point you need to imagine the needle being dragged across the record album, and the angelic refrain coming to an abrupt stop... as I began... to dog paddle....
But after a few more lessons, I started to catch on. I'm learning.... While I'm far from having mastered my flesh in this area, I'm also farther from being clueless as to how deeply the shackles kept me in bondage. How much I was serving the church instead of my Lord. How much I was serving my desire for acceptance instead of my King. It all looked like serving the Lord... it was all ministry... but to whom, really? The book of Galatians certainly has some answers to that...
Then God showed up again. One day Jake was messing around with some computers in the basement. I heard this crescendo of activity then a shout of victory - - he had found an old harddrive that contained the B.C. photos and the power point. The chastening had been accomplished, and restoration had begun. Therefore I

"do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day." 2 Cor 4:16

Be sure to check out my flickr photo albums - I loaded lots of BC shots under the "hiking shots"

angels' wings

Several years ago I was travelling out to a client's location in Rochester Hills. I was at the intersection of NB Southfield Rd. and I-696, where the RH turn lane turns onto the service road, and the second lane from the curb also has that option. I was stopped at a red light in that second to the curb right hand lane. The green arrow appeared, but I did not set out immediately, I must admit in that situation I was unsure if that green arrow applied to my lane as well. So I waited for the green light, and when it turned green, I proceeded to turn right, staying to my lane. From behind me a Cadillac Escalade approached in the far-right lane. Unfortunately I discovered as I was 1/2 way through my right hand turn, that he apparently intended to go straight, even though he was in an obligatory turn lane. I looked through the passenger side window to see the grill work of this huge Escalade, approximately 6" from the passenger door window. You hear of people's lives passing before them in those split second experiences of wharp-speed. Well in my wharp-speed thought progressions, I was analyzing the wheel base lengths, the near proximity of our vehicles, and coming to the conclusion that collision was indeed imminent. We had passed the point from which recovery was possible. Like the coward I can be, I closed my eyes and braced myself for the fraction of a second that remained before I expected to be hit broadside and catapulted over the rail into the expressway traffic down below. Well, I've seen the television footage of astronauts faces as gravity opposes propulsion, and they make these stretched out grimaces during take off. That was what my face felt like - but sideways, as my angelic legion came between my physical reality and the intentions of my sovereign God. In this millisecond, my car was moved sideways one lane, without impact, and the Escalade was moved sideways in the opposite direction - 3 lanes, also without impact, seperating our vehicles - placing us on opposite sides of the service drive, both pointing east on the service drive for EB I696. I remember sitting there with my mouth gaping open staring at the driver of the Escalade, who was sitting there with his mouth gaping open staring at me. Somehow this busy turn was empty for that moment, this involved no one but us. I wiped the drool from my chin, glad that it was the only bodily fluid I had to deal with at the moment, navigated to the right out of the far left lane which I had landed in, into the ramp lane so I could merge onto the highway and proceed to my appointment.

That night I emailed a friend, Renee, from a church I attended, and told her the story of how God saved me that day. She mentioned this to a mutual friend, Julietta, who then exclaimed to her that she had been burdened for my safety all week, and had been praying for me.

Hey, if you are the driver of that white Escalade, I was in the red '98 Camry. This was during lunch rush, I believe in the Spring or Fall of 2002. Wasn't it cool to be saved by wings set to flight by the effectual, fervent prayer of a righteous woman??

hearing things

It occurred to me that I have spent much life on seeking to hear the voice of God, to know His will, to avail myself to His leading. Often not really knowing the difference between listening to the voice of my flesh, or the voice of my God, life's direction was sporadically aimed in varied directions - false starts perhaps, after several steps along a path, lacking that deep affirmation - or some sensational awareness of revelation, the path abandoned. Honesty dictates sharing that deeper surrender was also required to follow Him without waivering during that season of my life. ( and this season as well ...) I was still living a life that held up boundaries to territory I would allow God to tamper with. I didn't realize it, I fully believed I was living a life of total surrender, but but experiences that are held for stories in future posts have since revealed otherwise. I'm growing...

My first experience with a deep awareness of revelation knowledge from God that gave direction for action was after being asked to participate in a mission trip to Alaska - summer of 2005. The cost was huge - - we had to self fund as no request was to be made to our church body, we owned and operated a company that required coverage for our clients, we had no savings to provide our wage while we were there, and our dogs required care, to name a few of our concerns. We talked, prayed... interpreted the anxiety in our hearts as a lack of peace from the Lord, and decided against going. After all, we were also called to be good stewards of what God had given us, and leaving on a 2 week trip - taking time out of OUR important business lives - would be fool-hardy. The next morning in my quiet time, I got Philippians 2:21, which says;

"For they all seek after their own interests, not those of Christ Jesus. "

This was the first time scripture jumped in my face and shouted in my ear as it did this morning. I broke down in repentence of my selfishness, called my husband to run it by him, and we immediately changed our minds and agreed to go.


The process of preparation was horrible. Suffice it to say we encountered problems and situations at every possible place. Had I not received the scripture that caused me to "know that I know that I know" I would have thought the Lord was trying to keep us from going and we could have given into the strong desire to stay home. My faith was rattled, my prayer life was shaken, everything was going wrong, right up to the day before departure. A pastor from our church came to our home to pray with us, knowing the trial this season had provided. 2 weeks before departure we learned that my husband's beloved dog of 14 years, Briar, was in end stage kidney failure.. and was given a 2 week to 3 month life expectancy. We decided to not leave her home with the dog sitter, but to take her to Jake's parents in Stevensville ON for some TLC. We would not see her for over 3 weeks, we also knew she could be dead before we returned - - the entire 5 hour drive to drop her off was soggy with tears. But we knew that we knew that we knew... Our other 2 dogs were to stay home with a dog-sitter.






Time for departure approached - the preparations for a mission trip - like this one, were complex. We were to help in conducting a wilderness Bible camp for kids in Alaska. We were flying with the supplies and equipment for crafts and games, as well as our backpacking gear and personal items. Planning, preparing, praying - then obsessing, more praying... Scared to death because I didn't have a clue as to what to expect... Would we be eated by bears?? Finally on the plane. The only "work" that remained for me to "do", was to entrust my concerns to the Lord. Our struggling company, left in the hands of a young technician, I entrusted to the Lord. My daughter, who at that time did not know the Lord and was living in a difficult situation, I entrusted to the Lord, and of course, our beloved friend, Briar, was entrusted to the Lord for safe keeping. I discovered the process of entrusting is a deep form of surrender, release, permission for the Lord to be God. I had no idea what that meant for my future at that time. I felt we were leaving a lot behind... but I knew that I knew that I knew.


Well, the first week of camp was, for me, hell. I was absolutely miserable. Didn't seem to have the grace for anything. Until near the end of the first week, when the Lord awoke me from a very refreshing sleep at 4:00 am, just to be with Him. His glory filled our little cabin in the wilderness, known only to me... a Presence like I've never experienced... As I was caught in the Lord's embrace, I realized that there was no place on earth I'd rather be. I'd give anything for this. Things got no easier for the remainder of the week - - in fact during the hike out after the first group's week at camp was completed - and I contemplated returning the following Monday with a new group, I was squaring off with God - - "Lord - - You are just going to HAVE to do SOMETHING... there is no way this body, under my commmand, is ever coming back here AGAIN. Period. I can't. I won't. YOU CAN'T MAKE ME. So, if you think I'm going through this again, You are just going to have to do something to change my heart." I began singing "praise God" to the tune of Amazing Grace (a camp fav) - - I was praising the Lord because it was over.

Yet I knew that I knew... Well, God showed up on the weekend as well. As the team dispersed to do their various things, Jake and I stayed behind - to help out in prep for the next week. In the midst of this, He provided an opportunity for us to fellowship with a native couple. For some reason this really fed my soul, re-charged my battery - - I realized I was ready to return.


Week 2, younger kids, a day shorter, a little easier. The habit of arising very early to ensure quiet time with the Lord by now was well established for a couple of us. One morning, in our wilderness gazebo / chapel, the Lord gave me another scripture - -

Ecc.11:1

"Cast your bread on the surface of the waters, for you will find it after many days."

Things were really looking up now... We took this as a promise from the Lord for a future harvest in the lives of the dear children we were ministering to.

So, the second week ended, relationships were begun, all went well. God showed up, but I still didn't have a clue as to why we were supposed to be there. That wasn't revealed until later... it continues to be revealed. Stuff for future posts, assuming I keep up this blogging thing...

We arrived home, and over the next several months, I learned a new lesson about God. Remember those 3 things I had entrusted to the Lord? Well, for the first year in many, our company achieved a profit. Today as I write, 2 years later, Briar is still alive and doing much better than that day we dropped her off, feeble, trembling, miserable. Today she is enjoying life, and stronger than then, she is now 16 years old. And remember my daugther? She got saved that year. What else is there to say, but "Lord, You are faithful and I thank You!!!!!"