Thursday, September 13, 2007

momentarily taciturn

whilst generally bordering on loquaciousness, single-handed typing has inspired me to explore the world of verbal restraint. one month of living one-handed lies ahead, left hand immobilized, awaiting healing of the tendon fashioned into a graft, replacing my basal thumb joint. that is the bottom one, attaching to the carpal bones of the wrist.

i envisioned more wilderness time with God during this recovery- after my right hand i enjoyed amazing fellowship and intimacy with the Lord. this time i'm distracted. different place. different focus. i don't like it.

a sleeping passion has been awakened. i want a sailboat. i re-live my sailing days every night through dreams. awakened from a sound sleep by my own yelp, searing pain in my hand ... the realization slowly dawns that the jibsheet i'm winching in is only a dream and i can let go now.

the plastic bag technique failed this morning, so i drenched my cast/dressing in the shower. my arm is soggy. yik. i don't like it.

too emotional. thanks, hormones.... i don't like it. don't think jake does either.

i want my wilderness back... i don't like it here.

God - momentarily taciturn. moments feel like a long time. what do you mean "welcome to my wilderness?"


Elder's Wife said...

Hi Dinah-
I take it you're still on the meds. That sleeping passion I faced after my surgery last month was a passion for sleep. I still tire pretty easily...but maybe that's just related to being nearly 61!
Did you have to furnish your own plastic bag? The hospital sent me home with a fancy blue job with a "gasket" to prevent leaks. I will send it to you if you email me your address.

Dinah said...

how funny - - no, i'm completely off meds at this point - just sharing a raw moment. perhaps those are better kept to myself?

re-reading this post drove me into the Word yesterday realizing that if my head is finally clear, why am i complaining with it instead of renewing it??? since surgery - up until yesterday, my daily scripture time was more spent staring at words instead of taking in life... drugs... glad to be off them!!!

yes, tire easily... very easily. getting more than 3 hours sleep would probably help... between insomnia and being awakened by those darn sailing dreams when i do drift off to sleep...i'm beat! i'm 49 and thinking i should still bounce back a little better :)

i get cast off monday and instead will have a splint that can be removed for a shower - so while i appreciate the offer, i'll stick with my own improvised bread bag for these few remaining days. you are very sweet to offer. thank you!!